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Julia Roberts may have bigger audiences for her ads than for her movies
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This ad for Whitman's chocolates includes a plug in the lower right for "Road to Bali" (1952), which stars, from left, Bob Hope, Dorothy Lamour and Bing Crosby. - photo by Chris Hicks
Last month, when Julia Roberts was named by People magazine the worlds most beautiful woman (for a record-setting fifth time) I set aside the obvious superficiality of that title and began to think about what movies Id seen her in lately.

I mean, really, is her job to act or to be beautiful?

OK, in Hollywood those two jobs are not necessarily mutually exclusive, but as I thought about Roberts last few movies well, I couldnt think of any.

Does Notting Hill count? Erin Brockovich? Runaway Bride?

Yikes! Its been nearly two decades since she had those three hits in a row, which I know after looking up her credits on imdb.com.

The site also verifies that Roberts is still doing a film or two each year and I had indeed seen quite a few of them. They just werent all that memorable.

Most recently, Roberts did a voice for Smurfs: The Lost Village.

Actually, I didnt see that one. Back in 1983, I reviewed The Smurfs and the Magic Flute for the Deseret News. That was 34 years ago, and if 34 more years go by before I see another Smurfs movie, thatll be just fine.

But I digress.

If you look at Roberts most recent theatrical films youll see a list of Hollywood pictures that underperformed at the box office and were generally met with a mixed to thumbs-down reception by national critics Money Monster, Mothers Day, Secret in Their Eyes, August: Osage County, Mirror Mirror, Larry Crowne, Eat Pray Love, Valentines Day, Duplicity.

However you may feel about some of these films personally, none managed to reach the heights anticipated by their respective studios.

This isnt meant to disparage Roberts, a fine actress who has simply been saddled with less-than-stellar scripts lately. And several of these perhaps all of them must have looked good on paper but for one reason critics and/or the moviegoing public failed to respond to them.

Ive written before about a press conference I attended many years ago in which Donald Sutherland, coming off a string of box-office flops, was asked why he had made so many bad movies, to which he responded with a smile, I dont go into a picture saying, Oh boy, this is going to be a bad one! I think theyre all going to be wonderful.

And when movies work, even the filmmakers often cant explain it. One prominent director once told me movies have so many cooks in the kitchen that any film that becomes a box-office hit and/or a critical darling is really just a happy accident.

To understand what he meant, stay in your seat for that interminable end-credits scroll sometime and notice how many jobs are listed, much less all those names.

As for Roberts, she may still be a stunner at age 49, but to casting agents she is no doubt seen as simply a woman of a certain age in an industry that worships at the feet of youth. Age is not respected. Especially when it comes to women.

So unless shes willing to don a skimpy costume to play Wonder Womans mother, well, who knows when her next box-office bonanza will occur. (Hey, even Robert Redford showed up in a superhero movie a couple of years ago.)

Anyway, as I was mulling over all of this, I found myself wandering through a local drugstore, where I saw a poster with Roberts face next to a pitch for Lancme perfume products which, a bit of Googling later told me, has been earning her multiple millions since 2009, according to jezebel.com.

Hey, we all need a part-time gig sometimes to make ends meet. And for this job she really does just need to be beautiful.

Then I noticed a bunch of similar posters (a bit smaller) for various products being pitched by Jennifer Aniston, Salma Hayek, Jennifer Garner, Andie MacDowell and Katie Holmes.

And theyre all no doubt drawing in much bigger audiences for these ads than for their movies.

Not that movie stars shilling for commercial products is anything new, of course; it dates back to the earliest days of motion pictures.

Gloria Swanson and Clara Bow were in magazine ads for eye makeup during the 1920s; Myrna Loy, Kim Novak, Rita Hayworth, Loretta Young and other stars sold Lux soap; various cigarette brands were touted by Lucille Ball, Frank Sinatra, Joan Crawford and Ronald Reagan, to name just a few; and then there was Barbara Stanwyck for Lipton tea, Sandra Dee for Coppertone suntan lotion, Doris Day for Lustre-Creme shampoo, Shirley Temple for Puffed Wheat cereal, and Bing Crosby, Bob Hope and Dorothy Lamour for Whitmans chocolates. And way too many more to name.

Back then, of course, the ads included the title of each actors latest film, and the money probably went to the studio that held their contracts.

But today the studio system is dead, so the money goes to the star, making these already well-off women that much wealthier.

Nothing wrong with that. Capitalism, baby.

But Id still like to see them make better movies.
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Have You Seen This? Street musician slays with clarinet
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Better than almost every face-melting guitar or drum solo. - photo by Facebook video screenshot

THE BIG EASY — Yeah, yeah, we all know that New Orleans is stuffed to the gills will incredible musicians.

But knowing that fact and then hearing that fact are two different things. You can step into any number of jazz clubs on any given night on Bourbon Street, and you’ll probably be impressed with virtually every act. Or you can sit at home on your comfy couch and watch this featured video.

In the video, you’ll see a woman who is in the groove. She is swinging hard, and wailing on her clarinet with a practiced expertise that makes it sounds so easy.

From note one you’ll be drawn in; your appreciation will grow with every second, and then your face will melt off when you realize how incredible she really is.

If you’ve never played a woodwind or a brass, you may not know everything that comes with a performance like this. Lung capacity and breath control are huge factors in keeping your notes clear and loud, and hitting those high notes is especially difficult.

So when this woman hits that high note and holds it for several seconds, you know you’re dealing with an exceptional musician. It means she has worked hard for years to develop skill on top of her natural talent, and we get to benefit.

It kinda makes you wonder how we let people get away with mumble rap and autotune when talent like this exists in the world.

I wish this video were longer, and I wish I had more information about this woman, but as it is, we’ll just have to appreciate the little flavor of New Orleans jazz posted by the Facebook group Clarinet Life.

Street musician killing it on clarinet

She must have lungs of iron! Its inspiring hearing the upper registers being played so well.

Posted by Clarinet Life on Tuesday, December 11, 2018

Martha Ostergar is a writer who delights in the ridiculous that internet serves up, which means she's more than grateful that she gets to cruise the web for amazing videos to highlight for your viewing pleasure.
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