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PMFL Think Tank: Super scary weather
Jeff Whitten NEW
Jeff Whitten

Welcome to week 2 of the Pembroke Mafia Football League Think Tank picks column.

Since we’ve expanded into think tanking and it’s probably raining outside, we’ve also decided to have our own weather team, and since TV likes to give its weather forecasters cool names – like STORM TEAM 5 – we’ve come up with one for the PMFL.

Meet the PMFL SUPER SCARY WEATHER TEAM. Actually, it’s mostly just B.J. Clark standing around in his drawers looking outside his window to see what the weather’s doing, and he then relays it to the rest of us via Gmail. Works great.

On to last week’s results.

District 1 County Commissioner Noah Covington leads the pack after Week 1 with no misses. This is not a record, believe it or not. Plus he probably cheated.

A game back are B.J.; Mike “Vanilla Mike” Clark, who has groupies; the Rev. Lawrence Butler, our PMFL spiritual advisor who might also have groupies but probably doesn’t; Bryan County Administrator Ben Taylor, from Ashburn, the fire ant capitol of the world; Richmond Hill City Clerk Dawnne Greene; and former Bryan County News assistant editor Ted O’Neil, all of whom had one miss each. That’s what being a game back means.

Two games back are Pembroke City Administrator Alex Floyd, Pine Tree Baron Bob Floyd, who is known for his advanced pine tree knowledge (that there is a girl tree, that one over there with them dangling pine cones is a boy tree, and that one over there is a great-uncle Willie Wonka tree); District 5 Commissioner Dr. Gene Wallace, and me, the little fat editor.

This week’s picks are fewer and farther between because of the pandemic. Seems like a small thing in the great scheme of where we are right now, so no complaints.  

Boston College vs. Duke: Alex, Bob, Ben and Dawnne pick Boston College; rest of us take Duke, which is not just a basketball school anymore, we hope.

Navy vs. Tulane: B.J., Mike, Ben, Dawnne and Ted take Tulane, everybody else selects the Squid School.

That B.J., who spent much of his adult life floating around on board ships Petty Officering people around and living for the day he could order fanny packs on the internet, would pick against Navy is proof these are strange times we live in. Either that, or we’re playing for cash and nobody told me.

Appalachian State vs. Marshall: Me, Ben and Dawnne take the Thundering Terds. The others pick Appy and will regret it. I personally hope both teams lose, having had interesting interactions with fans of both programs over the years.

Central Florida vs. Georgia Tech: Alex, Noah and Mr. Molar – his catch phrase is “I got your bicepcuspid molar right here in my pocket, buddy” – take Tech, the rest go with the Knights.

I may change my pick later, after I see how Tech does in the game.

Florida Atlantic vs. Georgia Southern: Dawnne and Ted take Florida Atlantic. The rest of us are stuck with the Iggles, who were without 33 players against Campbell and managed to pull out a win against a school named for a soup. Somehow, this move to FBS ain’t turning into what a lot of folks envisioned. It is, however, what some of us suspected would happen. You know, us Nancy Negatives, or Debbie Downers, or Cindy Cold Showers, or Linda Lucifers, or Mindy Mean Mugs, etc, who wanted to stay in I-AA and win 300 national titles before we shuffled off the mortal coil. Now, North Dakota State is winning all the championships.  

Southern Methodist vs. North Texas: Alex picked the Mean Green. Everybody else who knows anything at all about football picked the Mustangs, cause that’s how we roll.

Finally, in the interests of “extreme transparency,” a phrase we borrowed from the Bryan County Schools website, I must note that longtime friend and PMFL colleague Dr. Trey Robinson has had to opt out of the PMFL picks this year due to demands placed upon him in this year of COVID-19. We in the PMFL understand and wish him well.

That said, that “extreme transparency,” line on the school system website is a hoot, since being transparent is pretty much like being pregnant. You either are, or you aren’t.  But then, if I had parents of 10,000 students trying to run my business I’d probably be extremely something, too. 

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