Welcome to week seven of the Pembroke Mafia Football League, where the men are men and the woman is running the show.
And if that seems like married life, well, never mind. Pshaw. Pshaw, y’all.
Pshaw pshaw pshaw.
In the PMFL, that woman is Richmond Hill City Clerk Dawnne Greene, who was perfect again last week and leads the way with only seven misses so far. That’s like one a week. Naturally, the stellar dweller got PMFL CEO B.J. Clark thinking of ways to monetize her prescience.
“Maybe PMFL needs to pony up a few bucks each, get Dawnne an offshore account at a sports bookie and see if she if she could parlay our money into enough profit to buy us spiffy red PMFL ball caps,” B.J. said in an email.
Did we explain B.J. is a Democrat? No, yes, maybe?
Well, he is. B.J. loves Joe Biden almost as much as he loves Hillary Clinton, though not near as deeply as he loves Bernie Sanders. B.J. even has a bumper sticker supporting Bernie Sanders somewhere. I have a photo of it.
In second is former Bryan County News Assistant Editor Ted O’Neil, who has 10 misses so far; Bryan County Administrator Ben Taylor – who is from Ashburn and wears compression socks to keep the blood in his head, and that’s all you need to know – has 11 misses.
Clark is in fourth with 14 misses; the Rev. Lawrence Butler and Mike “The Swiveler” Clark have 15 misses apiece.
Pembroke City Administrator Alex “Big Daddy” Floyd is next with 17 misses; I’m next with 18 misses, which ties me up with District 1 County Commissioner Noah Covington, the King of All The North; and in first place if we were going in the other direction are Pine Tree Baron Bob Floyd and District 5 Commissioner Dr. Gene “Lima Bean Gallagher” Wallace.
They have like 48 misses each, and we’ve only been doing this seven weeks.
Editor’s note: It doesn’t have to make sense. If it did, then football would figure out why it’s not a penalty for a quarterback to throw a ball away to avoid getting sacked but he can throw it at the ground to avoid running out of clock and nothing happens except the clock stops.
That, and illegal motion isn’t really illegal. I mean, you can do it at Walmart if you want and nobody will say a word. You could go down to the Pembroke Police Department and illegal motion all over the place and the fine officers there will just look at you like you’ve lost a marble or two, but they won’t arrest you. Maybe. I don’t know. On second thought, maybe they will for you being a nuisance with all that illegal motion.
LAST WEEKS RESULTS: UGA lost.
Dawnne didn’t have any misses, as we noted earlier; Ted had one miss; I only had one miss; Ben and Gene missed two each; B.J. Alex, the Rev. Lawrence Butler and Mike had three misses each; Bob had four misses to finish last and therefore win the famed purple nurple award. B.J. will bestow it at a future date.
Stay tuned for photos of that, too.
THIS WEEK’S GAMES: Auburn vs. Ole Miss; Alex, Noah, Lawrence and Bob take War Beagle, everybody else goes with Ole Miss. Can we say Rebels anymore?
South Carolina vs. LSU: Me and Noah – who follows my lead on most things, which is what makes him a great liberal politician – pick the mighty Gamecocks. Everybody else is going with the defending national champs, who haven’t looked much like their old selves so far this year.
That said, Ed Orgeron is still the greatest talking football coach to come along since Steve Spurrier, only for different reasons.
If you can’t get fired up listening to Orgeron talking about them Bayou Bengals something’s wrong with you. It’s like listening to Randy Macho Man Savage do John Madden, or something.
Georgia Southern vs. Coastal Carolina: I actually attended both schools a bit during my checkered college career, I was at Southern after it became a University and Coastal before it got university status and a football team, and after my time at the University of South Carolina.
Don’t know why I’m mentioning all this, except to say one of my roommates at Coastal once punched the Chanticleer mascot in the giblets at a basketball game. It’s left scars.
As for the game, Ben, Dawnne, Ted, Lawrence, Gene and me pick Coastal, now a Top 25 team.
Everybody else stays True Blue.
Michigan vs. Minnesota; Alex, Bob, Dawnne and me take the team with the second-coolest helmet in all of football, Michigan. Everybody else takes Minnesota, but especially Ted. He went to Michigan State. Nebraska vs. Ohio State; Bob the only Cornhusker. Farmers got to stick together. That and “maybe being a farmer he has an inside track since he knows lots about growing and making liquid corn products,” B.J. said.
Air Force vs. San. Jose state: Nobody’s picking San Jose State. Have a great one. And remember what B.J. says: “Vote for Joe!”