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Pembroke Mafia Football League: Carter Infinger is a Gamecock fan
Carter Infinger
Carter Infinger

Welcome to a special online only edition the Pembroke Mafia Football League, also known as Week 3 of the college football season.

And, as most of us know, this is the week South Carolina ruins Georgia’s hopes of a three-peat, so nothing else on the planet matters. Especially not the Big 10, which is full of what we from the South think of as yankees. Except of  course for that mean little bespectacled leprechaun in a raincoat called Woody Hayes, who talked like Truman Capote but earned the undying appreciation of Gamecocks everywhere when he smacked and tried to choke a Clemson player right there on the Buckeye sideline lo those many years ago.

But anyhow, this is the week Georgia gets walloped. Here's why.

The Gamecocks, who had the world’s worst ever offensive line in their opener against the Whine and Cheese crowd  from Chapel Hill, have rectified,  transmogrified, deep fried and electrified the USC O-line into a manly unit that will keep the Bulldogs at bay, enabling Spencer Rattler to fire 14 touchdown passes in the first half while also opening spacious, roomy, upscale modcon holes for midget Carolina running backs Dakereon Joyner and JuJu McDowell to scamper through on their way to 500 yards rushing, apiece.

That’s right, that’s right, to quote his Bryan County Chairmanship, Carter ‘Pius Esquameious’  Infinger IX. 

Infinger, who is related to the infamous Inthumb and Intoe families of North Charleston, S.C., is a massive Gamecock fan. His favorite saying other than “that’s right, that’s right,” is “Go Gamecocks.”  He says it in the morning, he says it at night. He says it in the dark, he says it in the light.He says it in the sunlight, he says it in the rain. He says it on airplanes, he says it on a train. 

Yep. He even wears wedgie proof Cocky drawers to commission meetings. 

Now, on to something else. 

In this case it's big news PMFL wise, since the league will start up its own version of the GHSA before long. We’ll call it the PMHSA, with the PM standing for Prime Meridian. Just kidding, it stands for Pembroke Mafia. 

And, even better, the PMFL lineup of teams will consist of home schooled teens from upstanding families around this part of Georgia and South Carolina. Franchises in the Pembroke Mafia High School Association will start at $500 per teen each, cash only. Put it in brown paper sacks, write NIL  on it and drop it by B.J.'s house. He's our secretary treasurer.

Among the available franchises are the Ashburn Antelopes Derrybingles, the Bryan County Bigfoots (Bigfeet?), the Hopulikit Hairy Hobgoblins, the Chatham County Cabbage Smokers, the Claxon Cackleberry Cake, the Effingham County Poop Emojies, the Evans County Eggbeaters, the Pembroke Pickled Petunia, the Pooler Pumpkin Pelvises, the Richmond Hill Republican Rannygazoos  and the Tattnall County Turnip Trucks. And that’s just for starters.

Soon, the PMHSA will be bigger than the SEC. Better too, maybe. 

Standings:

Ted O’Neil, who has a head like a Vidalia onion with a Curly Howard cut, is in first place with only four misses.

The Rev. Lawrence Butler, Bryan County Manager Ben Taylor, who had to stand on a phone book to make his picks this week, and Mike Brown are in second with six  misses each.

In third are B.J. Clark, whose fault this all is, and Mike Clark with seven misses each.

The WHITTEN and our fearless team dentist and district  5 county commissioner, Dr. Gene “Beanie Weenie Genie” Wallace, are tied for fourth with eight misses.

His chairmanship and District 1 Commissioner Noah Covington are in fifth with nine misses.

And Alex Floyd, PMFL boy wonder, and Bryan County Fire Chief Freddy Howell already have 10 misses and might as well quit while they’re ahead. But they won’t, because they’re Americans. And Americans don’t quit. They just complain a lot. 

This week’s picks.

Everybody picks Georgia except you’re truly, I believe. Not even going to look. 

As for the rest, here’s B.J.’s rundown. Some folks were late and will  just have to wait until BJ adds it all up on Sunday morning after he gets back from scaring people at church because his stomach makes funny noises that sort of sound like arguing armadillos.

Also, BJ uses blue ink because he's retired Navy. They can't help it. Reminds them of Tidy Bowl water.

North Dakota vs. Boise State -- all  Broncos.

Minnesota vs. North Carolina -- all Tar Holes.

Washington vs. Michigan State -- a mixed bag. B.J. can figure it out. Oh, and Michigan is Ted's alma mater. 

James Madison vs. Troy: Another mixed bag. See B.J. next week to find out who picked who.

BYU vs. Arkansas -- all Hogs. Maybe. Those who were late messed up the mojo.

Tennessee vs. Florida --  Ben and Jeff take the Gators. The rest take the Vols.. 

Virginia Tech vs. Rutgers. Another one of those mixed bags you can ask B.J. about later. Some of us went one way, some the other.

San Diego State vs. Oregon State: Everybody picked the Beavers. I wonder why.

Liberty vs. Buffalo: Who cares. But, just remember, Carter Infinger is a Gamecocks fan.

Thanks and have a safe and wonderful college football weekend.

Disclaimer: The opinions in this column are those of B.J. Clark. Do not blame the editor.





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