Welcome to Week 4 of the Pembroke Mafia Football League, the world’s first and only Pembroke Mafia Football League, so accept no imitations and remember that only you can prevent forest fires.
Also, fourth quarter TV crowd shots of Bulldog fans at the UGA-South Carolina game reminded me for some reason of the Lord of the Flies, or the Hills Have Eyes, or both combined into one nightmare. Especially that otherwise normal looking Redcoat drum major who barked at the camera. “Woof,” she said. “Woof, woof, woof.” Yikes.
Still, the Gamecocks proved a tough customer for a while until Georgia’s millionaire defenders got wound up and half our wide receivers- namely Juice Wells - got hurt.
All in all my favorite college football team sort of reminded me of gas station fried chicken, fried hard and stringy and greasy enough to make you wonder if you should be doing that to your arteries, let alone any other part of your anatomy.
Anyhow, for a half they looked like they might give the No. 1 team in the country a severe case of the trots.
Yes, being a Gamecocks fan is all about knowing that the other team cheats better than we do, so we take solace in the little things. But we’ll get there. I have faith. And at least we don’t bark at people.
Last week’s results: Former Bryan County News Assistant Editor Michigan Ted O’Neil is in first with six misses so far. B.J. Clark, Mike Clark, Mike Brown and Ben Taylor are tied for second with eight misses. The King of North Bryan, also known as Noah Covington, is in a tie with Pastor Lawrence Butler for third.
That reminds me. “Noah, Noah, he’s the man! If he can’t do it, no one can!”
I told Noah I’d do that for him. He likes it when people suddenly give him a pep rally.
PS. Noah didn’t have any misses last week, so that calls for another cheer. “1-2-3-4 let’s watch Noah stomp the floor! 5-6-7-8, now watch Noah levitate.” Break it out at the next county commission meeting.
Carter Infinger, a true Gamecock fan for life, Freddy Howell and Dr. Gene Wallace, also know in the CIA as “The Dentist” are tied for fourth with 11 misses.
Your’s truly and Alex Floyd, co-scion of the sleeveless pine tree farming Floyds of Klueckenheimer’s Corner - and I probably spelled that wrong but what else is new - are tied for last place, which was planned so we can keep an eye on the rest of the field before I make a move and leave everybody in the dust.
This week’s games. Florida State vs. Clemson: Carter is the only Clemson picker.
BYU vs. Kansas: Alex and the two Mikes pick BYU. Fun fact about BYU: It’s named after Brigham Young.
Va. Tech vs. Marshall: Those of us who know football take Marshall. You know who we are.
UCLA vs. Utah: All Utes this week. Utah is my favorite yankee school, I think. I like the way they play football like it matters, and don’t go around barking all the time like some teams I could mention.
UAB vs. UGA: I take UAB because there are three teams I can’t pick. Clemson, UGA and Ohio State. The unholy trinity, I call ‘em. Anyway, I’m hoping UGA has a hangover after squeaking out that win over USC. No. 1 team in the country my foot.
Georgia Southern vs. Ball State: Everybody rolls with the Iggles, who can’t throw anymore interceptions than they did at Wisconsin. Maybe.
Ole Miss vs. Bama: People are writing off the Crimson Tide. Especially, B.J., who does it all the time because he pulls for the Auburn War Beatles, and Ben and Mike Brown, who ought to know better.
Ohio State vs. Notre Dame: It should be illegal to include Ohio State games in this column. There are enough Buckeye fans down here as it is.
Colorado vs. Oregon: Most of us pick the Ducks to figure out a way to stop the Buffaloes, whose athletics hall of fame includes Brittany Spears.