I don’t know about you, but I believe Osama bin Laden was killed. I don’t believe that they slipped him off the side of the boat alive where he was picked up by a mini-sub and was taken to where they keep Elvis and Jimmy Hoffa.
And if I was a bumper sticker manufacturer, I would have one out already that said, “Osama has left the building.”
I fully expected to hear a wide range of conspiracy theories. And I was not mistaken. The only one I haven’t heard was that Obama killed Osama because he was afraid that Osama could prove he faked his birth certificate. What I mean is, why not double down on those conspiracies?
Now some people are demanding to see photos of Osama’s corpse. Not me.
Heck, if you are going to fake a killing, faking a photograph is third-grade stuff. There’s this little computer feature called Photoshop that allows the operator to make Moms Mabley look like Dolly Parton and Glenn Beck look smart.
But, I don’t buy into one of the reasons given for not releasing photos – that they would be too gory for the American public.
Hello!!! Have you watched any of the CSI programs on prime time television? They apparently are trying to out-gore each other. We have burned bodies, mangled bodies and diced bodies. We get to watch the bullet enter the neck, bounce off a vertebrae, pierce the lungs, dance around in the liver and come to rest just above the knee cap. And then we see pus explode all over the autopsy room because of a ninja-class infection the victim had picked up while visiting Thailand.
According to reports, Osama had two bullet wounds. That would make the CSI scripts very boring and would certainly debunk the gore argument.
I applaud the fact that our government didn’t involve the Pakistan authorities. Obviously Pakistan doesn’t have an equivalent to our CIA or even a parallel to our termite inspectors. Either they lied the whole time about having no clue as to Osama’s presence in their country or they couldn’t find their navel with both hands and a flashlight.
I also applaud our Navy SEALs for their skills.
Last night I watched a documentary on Navy SEAL training. I don’t know what the relation is to eight trainees carrying an oak tree on their shoulders and the ability to sneak into a foreign country and shoot a terrorist, but someone must know the connection. Maybe the tree is to take cover behind in case they run out of rocks.
I’m guessing we’ll never know the identity of the Navy SEAL who actually pulled the trigger. He won’t be on Oprah and he probably appreciates that. And he won’t be writing a book titled, “The Day I Shot Osama.” Who would want that kind of publicity in a world filled with certified nuts and religious fanatics?
Besides, it was a team effort. And while I’m mostly reluctant to rejoice in the demise of anyone, I think I could have managed the popcorn concessions to this event.
And I think our government acted decently in burying this guy at sea within the Muslim requirement of 24 hours. The president could have really ticked off these extremists by taking the body into the Afghanistan highlands in the middle of the night, burying it under a pile of rocks and saying, “Now y’all look for him for 10 years.”
OK, lest I become gory on this subject, I will end here. Remember what I said about that bumper sticker and where you heard it first.
Walden is editor/publisher of The Moultrie Observer and can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.