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Shaking one's head in mild amazement
dwain waldenbw

MOULTRIE — I have often used the written expression “go figure.” It’s kind of like shaking your head in mild amazement.
And there are things all around us that can draw such a response. For instance, we have a tendency to spend a fortune on a building with a firm foundation, stout framing, fire walls, etc. Then when we get to the top, we push the stupid button and put a flat roof on it. Then we spend the next two decades replacing ceiling tiles, sheet rock, painting and scraping mildew because of the leaks. Occasionally someone will decide that rafters pitched upward toward the middle and covered by some water resistant materials might remedy the situation.
It’s like we hire architects and engineers to get us to the top floor and then we turn the project over to the flat earth society.
The native American Sioux gave us a pretty good lesson on pitched roofs a long time ago. Not only did we speak with forked tongue, we listened with only one ear and apparently as we burned their villages, we paid little attention to their nomadic form of architecture.
Go figure.
Then we have those people who apparently cannot learn from others’ mistakes. They are hell bent on riding a skate board down a stair rail. There’s not a “world’s funniest videos” segment that doesn’t include at least one of these.
These attempts never end well. Every time I see one, my first thought is that the world does not need that many tenors in the choir.
Go figure.
A few mornings ago I had the television on as I was getting ready for work. There was a story about a man being attacked by his “pet” boa constrictor. A couple of days later another man was attacked by his “pet” chimpanzee. Then on another day it showed actual footage of a man being attacked by a “pet” female lion in the living room of his house. Other family members were trying to pull the lion off —  except for the guy making the video.
This morning there was footage of a zoo worker in Australia being attacked by a crocodile. Actually, he was feeding the croc a chunk of meat, apparently assuming the creature had better table manners.
Within minutes, another newscast showed soccer fans rioting in the streets after their team got an old-fashioned butt whooping. Notice here that I have included the “alleged higher animals” in this sequence of events as I note, “Go figure.”
Now there is good explanation for why the lower animals attack. That’s part of their survival nature. There is no good explanation why people will stick their hands in their mouths or let them wrap around their necks.
Now to the soccer thing.
I am not a soccer fan so I’m totally at a loss why people would  riot in the streets because their team lost. I’ve never seen this with football fans or baseball fans.
When I say I am not a soccer fan doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate the skill and physical prowess required to play the sport.  I also don’t like opera, but I respect the ability of one to wear leotards and hit those high notes.
And while I’m opposed to most of the wars we’ve been in lately, I will always honor the soldier who must fight in them.
Now I’ve seen drunks at football games and baseball games who had to be escorted away but not wholesale rioting. And I’ve never seen footage of fans breaking windshields and storming the streets after a golf match. In fact, in a golf match everyone speaks in such hushed tones it is almost like they are trying to keep it a secret. One day I saw three guys whispering in front of a store, and I thought a golf match was about to break out.
Go figure.

Dwain Walden is editor of the Moultrie Observer. You can reach him at

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