Jeff Whitten, Local Columnist

Welcome to week two of the Pembroke Mafia Football League, your one-stop shop for erudite commentary on college football and whatever else B.J. Clark decides needs clarification.

Like traffic. Taxpayers spend billions in Georgia every year on roads. And yet traffic here in the Coastal Empire and South Carolina Lowcountry is still an awful mess and getting worse by the minute.

Part of the reason for this unfortunate reality is there are more drivers hereabouts than ever before, including a growing segment of unpleasant Big 10 fans who moved here because they couldn’t get a job where they were born.

And, since it seems many hardworking Georgians would rather take a pass than work too dang hard, there are more jobs here than people to work them.

Which gives economic developers something to do, mind you, though whether that’s a good thing probably depends on what’s happening on that 400 acres behind your house. And in that regard there apparently aren’t many good choices available.

Especially since anything with the word development involved is probably going to stick something to somebody at some point and stick it to them good and hard.

Add in the fact anybody who can pass a simple driver’s test is legally entitled to get behind the wheel and make life miserable for those of us who took driver’s training back when it meant something, and it’s a recipe for what we’ve got.

To make matters worse, sometimes people don’t even bother with the test and get out there and mix it up with all the other maniacs on I-95 from Port Wentworth down to Midway – but especially in Richmond Hill, which when it comes to traffic is becoming the poster child for the downside of the self-esteem movement and the natural conclusion to this America First, the customer is always right way of thinking – i.e., it’s for them it’s about Me First.

Especially at a keyboard or behind a wheel. The dehumanization effect of operating machines, they say.

But put all that aside. The main reason for the sorry state of transportation in our neck of the woods is the more roads you build the more evil developers come along and build stuff alongside them, so pretty soon you are back where you were before you had the new road, or roads, only more so. Now, what was once a quiet little backwater is now Pooler, and what was once a mellow, laid back slice of the good life is now one giant overpriced subdivision.

New roads, as a certain mayor once said off record, don’t fix traffic problems. They just create more traffic, which creates more headaches. Sometimes, they don’t even help the issues they were meant to help. Take that extension of the Jimmy DeLoach Parkway that was supposed to get the trucks coming from the ports off of Highway 80 – they’re on there to dodge the scales --- onto I-16 so those of us trying to dodge the big rigs on our way to Blitchton or Statesboro or wherever.

Nope. Highway 80 coming out of Savannah is still eaten up with big trucks. So, for that matter, is Highway 204, Highway 21, I-95, I-16 and, it turns out, many residential streets anywhere near a warehouse.

Add in the 43 million dump trucks orbiting the area dropping fill dirt in wetlands and the 3 million school buses picking up or dropping off kids every 22 feet during the school year and well, it’s a mess, and one that will only get worse before it gets better.

But if residents get a new airport in Richmond Hill it’ll only be a matter of time before they get something else that will help alleviate the traffic problems hereabouts: Flying cars, like the Jetsons. Or drones that will pick you up and drop you off somewhere else. So maybe an airport will help. But not, of course, if everybody rushes out and gets a plane. Then you’ll need another airport, which will only attract more plane drivers, and so on.

Standings after week one: 

Alex Floyd, the Right Rev. Lawrence Butler, Ben Taylor and Mike Brown have three misses each and lead the pack.

Ted O’Neil, Dr. Gene Wallace, DMD and Noah Covington are tied for second with four misses each.

The rest of us are bringing up the rear with five misses apiece.

This week’s picks, minus Covington and Carter Infinger, who probably got hung up in traffic somewhere.

Memphis at Georgia State:

The Rev., Chief Emeritus Freddy Howell and God’s Gift to Dentists pick the Panthers. The rest go with Memphis.

Virginia vs. NC State

Woofpack: Dr. Gene and the Rev. take the Cavaliers. That’s a great name for an ACC team. Shows about what they think of football.

Missouri State vs. Marshall: Ted is the only Missouri State picker. Which reminds me of an old saying. You can pick your nose, you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family.

Army at Kansas State: I am the only Army picker. What can I say? My DD214 means I have too, although I admit that when I was in the Army I used to root for Navy. Weird how rosy the past gets after 32 years of distance between it and me.

Kansas at Missouri: Ted and Alex pick Kansas, rest of us take the Tigers.

Tulane at South Alabama:

Alex is only one to roll with the Jaguars. He won’t be in first after this week.

Oklahoma State at Oregon: Alex is only Cowboys picker. He might wind up in last.

Michigan at Oklahoma:

Mike Clark, Mike Brown, Alex and the good dentist take the Wolverines. Ted is a Michigan State alum and wouldn’t pick the Wolverines if they were playing the Taliban. I can empathize. I feel the same way about Clemson, Georgia and Ohio State.

Stanford at BYU: Alex and Freddy pick Stanford, who for some reason has an air freshener for a logo.

Georgia Southern at Southern Cal: Freddy, B.J. and Mike Clark take Georgia Southern to upset the Trojans. If the Iggles play like they did last week they’ll get beat worse than Cumberland did back in 1916, when Georgia Tech beat that poor school 220-0.

Now retired, Whitten is an occasional columnist for the News.