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Once more, another knife for all occasions
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I thought I had seen about all the “super knife” commercials that there could possibly be with all the marvelous things a blade could do illustrated in high definition.

But I was wrong.

You know, I’ve always appreciated a good knife, especially a good pocket knife. Basically, I just want one that sharpens easily and holds a good edge. And I’ve never found it a great challenge to find one that meets those requirements.

Well, last night on cable television I ran across the “Bubba Knife.” Obviously, this is a knife for a man, otherwise it would have been called the “Bubbajean Knife.”

It looks like a miniature Samurai sword. Apparently it never needs sharpening. It can have its place in the finest kitchen in Paris or on the belt of a mountain man survivalist. The way they described this utensil is that you can just point it at a fish, and the fish will filet itself.

Actually I find some of these commercials, or as they call them “infomercials,” to be entertaining — at least by comparison with some of the regular programming.

I’m especially intrigued with the sale of kitchen knives, just to see what new super duper angle can be applied to something so simple and basic.

From what I could see about the “Bubba Knife” is that if you are on a camping trip and your friend has appendicitis, it could be used as a scalpel once you’ve skinned out the grizzly that invaded your camp the previous night. But if you also split kindling with it, be sure you get the resin off the blade before opening up old Fred.

Oh yes, the “Bubba Knife” is well balanced, they say. I’m not really sure what that means in terms of slicing a tomato. It just never seemed to be a quality control issue with me. I don’t know if the knives I have are well balanced. I’ll take one out on the back porch and see if I can get it to balance on the back of the porch swing. I don’t know why I would want it to do that, but it must be important or they wouldn’t have mentioned it.

Maybe if you’re going to have a well-balanced meal, you must cut it with a well-balanced knife.

I’m sure if the “Bubba Knife” had been around in primitive times, tribes would have mounted it on a large stone and worshipped it. And today, you might use it to invade a Third World country after you’ve field dressed an elk or prepared some sushi.

Maybe if I operated a butcher shop or a seafood store, I might consider buying a “Bubba Knife.” But since I just use knives to cut up a chicken occasionally, carve a ham or to spread mayonnaise on my boiled okra sandwich, the ones I have work just fine. By the same token, I never understood why we needed an atomic bomb 10,000 times more powerful than the one we used to blow up Japan. But that’s a whole nuther issue.

Like I said, some of the commercials are very entertaining. I like the Geico commercials with that little Australian lizard. And I like the TV dish commercial where the guy is looking out the window and sees a couple of mobsters disposing of a body. He has to fake his death, and he attends his own funeral because he got to staring out the window while waiting for a cable repair guy, and he saw something he shouldn’t have seen.

And then there’s the beef jerky commercial where the guys put the whoopee cushion under Bigfoot. While they are laughing, Bigfoot mixes a little flatulence with the campfire and creates a Ninja-class flame thrower.

And now comes Dos Equis beer with the “most interesting man in the world.” He’s so unique, Cuba imports cigars from him. Mosquitoes don’t bite him without permission. And Sasquatch takes photos of him.

In closing, don’t be surprised if they don’t come back with the “Bubbajean” knife.

Walden is editor/publisher of The Moultrie Observer.

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