Mike Thompson
Local Columnist
Think back and remember Friday, July 11—aka 7/11—was officially proclaimed National French Fry Day. Because apparently, what this country really needed was another excuse to deep fry our dignity and call it a celebration.
Let’s be honest: the only thing “free” about these fries was the free behavioral data we handed over. You open the app. You see the fries. You feel the dopamine. You go. And just like that, another click, another craving, another quarter in the marketing slot machine.
But this column isn’t about shame. It’s about satire, survival, and maybe a little fun. Especially with the kids.
Let’s talk to the grade school crowd for a minute: “Hey, you with the salty fingers and the ketchup packet collection... That ‘Free Fry Friday’ you saw on your parents’ phone? That’s a trap wrapped in crispy lies. A French-fried bribe engineered by snack scientists in a lab somewhere under a billboard.”
And honestly? We adults fall for it too. Some of us still think the fry emoji counts as a vegetable.
So What Happened on 7/11? July 11 was a jackpot of food marketing mayhem:
7-Eleven gave out free Slurpees via their app (12 ounces = 41 grams of sugar, in case you were wondering)
Fast food giants launched Fry-Day freebies (medium fries = 365 calories and 17 grams of fat)
And millions of people sprinted toward salt, sugar, and oil like it was a school fundraiser The fries weren’t evil. But the setup? Genius-level manipulation. It was like watching Pavlov’s dogs—but with apps, tracking pixels, and neon coupons.
Here’s the thing: these companies spent millions studying exactly how to make us crave, click, and consume. They know which colors trigger hunger, which sounds make us salivate, and precisely how much salt creates the “bliss point” that keeps us coming back.
But here’s the good news: We can flip the script.
Instead of grumbling, let’s giggle. Let’s raise kids who laugh at junk food ads— not fall for them. When families can spot marketing tricks together, suddenly those “irresistible” offers become family joke material.
Make it a game: Spot the “Free Fry” promo and yell “Fry Spy!” First person to catch a food marketing trick gets to pick the family’s next healthy snack experiment.
Invent your own air-fried veggie fries: Carrot coins, sweet potato slivers, even zucchini zaps! Turn it into a taste-testing competition. Who can make the most creative healthy “fry” using whatever’s in your kitchen?
Rename fast food places just for fun:
"Grease King"
"Salt & Surveillance"
"McCrisis Meal" (comes with fries, soda, and an existential question about your health...)
"Burger Hurl"
"Taco Trap" (where every meal comes with a side of behavioral tracking) Because fries aren’t the enemy. But the system that uses them to bait us? That’s worth mocking. And kids learn faster through fun than fear.
The Real Questions Worth Asking
Let’s teach our kids to ask better questions. Let’s teach ourselves too:
Who benefits from these "freebies”?
What's the real price tag when you factor in health costs?
Why do they need my location, email, and purchase history for a “free” fry?
What would happen if I just... didn’t download the app?
Because in the long game of life and health, knowing how to laugh at the absurd just might be the smartest survival skill of all.
The next time you see “Free Fry Friday” flash across your screen, remember: the most expensive meal is often the one that costs nothing upfront.
Mike Thompson is a Certified Health and Nutrition Coach and the creator of Nutritional Wealth, a humor-infused column on food, health, and modern life. His work appears in community newspapers and online platforms. Got your own “Fry Spy” moment or creative veggie fry recipe? Share it at mikethompson@selfcaresustained. com.