If you’ve never seen a high school softball game, then it’s hard to describe. If you have seen a high school softball game, you know what I’m talking about. It’s what emanates from high school dugouts.
It’s teammates chanting and cheering together and at the other team across the diamond for all they’re worth.
First one side, then the other. It’s pure cacophony, a raucous caucus, and great fun. Plus, some lyrics tends to stick with you long after the games are over – even when you wish they wouldn’t, though I’m usually glad when they do, given my porous memory.
My favorite has always been the line, “Bang bang, choo choo train, which goes something like this: “Bang bang choo choo train come on girl do your thang.”
Words for all editors to live by, even those of us who are not girls.
Or, how about: “See that batter at the plate? She’s the best in all the state!” Bryan County High School and Auburn alumnae Tiffany Howard was one such player who could say that, by the way. Howard was a force of nature in every sport she played in, but softball was her gift. And I write that even though she once threw a softball at me because nobody with any sense likes hack weekly newspaper editors.
I’m just glad for once she didn’t hit what she was aiming at.
But this is not a column about high school softball, nor high school kids – most of whom/who have the smarts not to care overly much about politics, our national illness.
It is instead about Congress, which from just about every account has become so partisan and dysfunctional that some of its members can make even me seem statesman-like, and that’s quite a trick.
What’s more, in this seemingly most partisan of times, the dysfunction is distinctly nonpartisan. That means both sides have members who make you wonder what their supporters are smoking and why we let them vote. For examples, just look at Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez on the left and Rep’s Lauren Boebert and Marjorie Taylor Greene on the right.
At first glance, all three women look pleasant enough – like they might be high school teachers, or high school softball coaches rather than the take-no-prisoners, mean-spirited rabble rousers they seem to be.
To belabor this belabored attempt at an analogy and take it to where it’s headed, I’m now of the opinion that if elements of our elected representation can’t work together, they should be put in their separate dugouts on the right and left and required to do softball cheers at one another.
And so it would go: “Bang bang, choo choo train, come on AOC do your thang,” or “Lauren Beobert is up to bat to give the ball a wack. If I was you and you was me I’d scoot my booty back (she’s armed!),” or “Marjory Taylor-Greene is a friend of mine, she can hit you any time, anytime and anywhere, she can hit you out of here.”
It can be Republicans vs. Dems thing, too. Dems: “We stole on you, we stole on you, when you were picking your nose we stole on you, while you were brushing your hair we were already there.”
Republicans, chanting back: “Good eye, good eye, way to watch the ball go by, oh my!”
Hey, Trump supporters could gather themselves up and make it a round robin tournament: “MAGA Patriots, that’s our name, Ruling America, that’s our game. Watch us strut and watch us fight, Watch us set Mike Pence alight.” Which of course would draw a response from “The squad,” referencing any one of their members: “We may be small, we may be tiny, but when we get in charge we’ll whip your hiney!”
That in turn would no doubt prompt the MAGA team to respond with: “You stole on us, you stole on us, while we were counting legal votes you stole on us!”
I know, it’s pretty silly stuff. But this is Congress we’re talking about. They can take it.
“Everywhere we go, people want to know, Who we are, where we come from, and so we tell them we are the House of Representatives, the mighty, mighty House of Representatives ....”
Have a great week, no matter which side of the political aisle you might fall down on.
Whitten is editor of the Bryan County News. He’s not a fan of partisan politics, shaboogie.