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Humor: We keep sending them overseas
God bless America, and how's everybody
Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. - photo by File photo

HOLLYWOOD — God Bless America, and how’s everybody?

The Weather Channel reports a series of late winter rainstorms in Southern California which may have staved off a drought. After jogging for 12 miles in the rain during Saturday’s storm, I counted 28 leeches on me. I squirted them with bug spray and they started a talent agency.

Men’s Health magazine published cardio advice to baby boomers recommending that jogging every day can add 7 to 10 years to your life. Yes it might, but to what end? I know I’m getting older because even though I run 12 miles a day, nine of those are spent just looking for my house.

The Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that the U.S. added 350,000 jobs last month with the unemployment rate at an 18-year low. There’s room for improvement. Think of how low our unemployment rate would be if President Trump would just stop firing people.

President Trump held a GOP fundraiser at a highly secure home in Beverly Hills Tuesday. The house has a long driveway from the curb to the front door. In Beverly Hills, the location of your mailbox shows how far from your house you can walk in a robe without looking like a mental patient.

The House Intelligence Committee ended its Russia probe Monday after finding no collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia. Democrats demanded more time. I don’t want to say we live in a divided country, but I no longer speak to my imaginary friend due to our political differences.

The Wall Street Journal reported that U.S. banks are having a record year in profits despite the current low-interest rates. It just doesn’t add up. I can’t understand why banks are doing so well nowadays when drinking beer and saving the cans gives you a higher yield than certificates of deposit.

President Trump fired Secretary of State Rex Tillerson over their disagreements over the Iran nuclear deal, the Kim Jung Un summit and the Paris climate deal. Rex is the 15th official Trump’s fired in the last 14 months. I had Tillerson making it to the Elite Eight on my bracket.

Attorney General Jeff Sessions was accused of racism by California protestors who are angry about his clampdown on illegal immigration and Sanctuary Cities. The charge is Democratic liturgy by now. In today’s political climate, a racist is someone you can’t accuse of sexual misconduct.

President Trump inspected eight border walls designed to stop illegal immigration on Tuesday during his stop in San Diego. The country is pretty riled up over the issue of illegal aliens. My ancestors did not come all the way here from Great Britain to see this country overrun by immigrants.

O.J. Simpson gave a sideways confession of the double murders in a creepy interview on Fox TV Sunday. Forty years ago, Good Housekeeping readers voted O.J. the most trusted man in America. Remember that if you ever think America is crazier today than we were in the late Seventies.

Porn star Stormy Daniels offered to pay back her hush money if she may sell her past affair with Trump story to the tabloids. The timing isn’t right for the left to recite any morality tales. If I were a Democrat, I wouldn’t be lecturing Trump about adultery while Bill Clinton’s wife is in India.

Hillary Clinton went off the rails in India Monday when she blamed her election loss on white women who voted as their husbands or bosses told them. She added Trump voters were racist and sexist. Would someone please give Hillary a Participation Trophy so she can say she won something?

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