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Humor: The many faces of Donald Trump
God bless America and how is everybody
Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. - photo by File photo

President Trump issued his $2 trillion budget proposal Monday. He pleased Democrats by saluting Black History Month and pleased Republicans by insisting on the wall. A liberal and a moderate and a conservative walk into a bar, and the bartender looks up and says "Hi, Donald!"

New York Yankees retired pitcher Esteban Loaiza was busted with 50 pounds of cocaine Monday in San Diego. You can tell cocaine’s effect on ballplayers. Google 1986 World Series footage and notice that every player is 150 pounds and running through the third base coach’s stop signal.

The U.S. Senate heard testimony Tuesday detailing the threats posed by Russian interference in our democracy. The probe included the ads they bought on Facebook. We can’t allow Russia to deploy misleading propaganda to unfairly influence a U.S. presidential election. That’s the media’s job.

The White House balked at identifying when wife-beating charges against staffer Rob Porter became known. Congress weighed a bill to force Members to pay sex-harassment claims. A recent poll says the number-one Valentine’s Day gift in Washington D.C. this week was the restraining order.

White House staff secretary Rob Porter got fired after photos of spousal abuse surfaced. Now Chief of Staff John Kelly’s in trouble. The turnover rate under Trump is so high the Government Printing Office is losing more money than the Postal Service just by printing new White House business cards.

President Trump announced his infrastructure proposal Monday that spreads so much money around it triggered a stock market rally. It also cuts federal interference. President Trump wants fewer regulations, which is great news for everybody who is not a quarterback standing in the pocket.

Republicans drew up a bill to grant amnesty to DACA immigrants in exchange for a Mexican border wall and an end to chain migration and the visa lottery. Society is splitting up. Black people and white people have a difficult time getting along in California because neither speaks Spanish.

President Obama’s presidential portrait was unveiled in the National Gallery Monday, which everybody pretended to like. However it gives Obama six fingers on one hand and Mitt Romney’s hair. It looks like he might have spent too much time inspecting Iran’s nuclear plant for leaks personally.

The Illinois legislature commemorated the birthday of Abraham Lincoln with a ceremony on Monday in Springfield. The man was a living legend. He was nicknamed the Rail-Splitter, Honest Abe, the Great Emancipator and he was the first president ever to have his own rap name, One Cent.

Sen. Bernie Sanders was reported Monday flying back to Iowa this week to get a head start on his next presidential run. He’s always been a true liberal. Back when Bernie was a boy and his friends played Cowboys and Indians, Bernie always insisted on being the Chinese railroad worker.

Bill Murray praised Trump’s tax cuts Monday and ripped the Democrats for playing identity politics. The funeral for his movie career will be held at Good Shepherd Church in Beverly Hills Saturday. In lieu of flowers, he asked that donations be made to the Lakeside Caddy Retirement Fund..

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