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Humor: In land of 400 channels, no show is king
God bless America and how is everybody
Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at - photo by File photo

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?

U.S. News and World Report cited a study saying beer and alcohol consumption has peaked in the U.S. as the percentage of white people in the population declines. We loved the stuff. You know you’re too drunk if you walk across the dance floor to get another drink and you win a dance contest.

The NFL is suffering lower TV ratings blamed on poor play by big market teams and boycotts over players not standing for the National Anthem. The league gets no help on the West Coast. The Los Angeles City Council just voted to designate Los Angeles a sanctuary city for terrible NFL teams.

The Emmy Awards on CBS suffered the lowest ratings in history Sunday. It’s hard for any TV series to whip up millions of loyal viewers when 400 TV networks are competing for your eyeballs. At least when we only had three channels we could find out there was nothing on TV quickly.

Hobby Lobby angered minorities by selling cotton on branches as a decorative home bouquet Monday. To prevent any more controversy, the store won’t display its annual Halloween tableau of a witch crashing her broom into a tree. They don’t want to offend Hillary Clinton voters or Asians.

Governor Jerry Brown is going to build two tunnels to bring water to Southern California. It’s tricky. You don’t want the tunnels bringing water down to Southern California to collide with the tunnels bringing people up to Southern California or the labor shortage could wreck the economy.

President Trump stood at the podium of the United Nations General Assembly Tuesday and he warned that if North Korea threatens the United States or its allies, we will have no choice but to destroy North Korea. The threat begged an important question. Is he going to make Mexico pay for it?

President Trump was bold at the UN, knowing he doesn’t have to bomb North Korea to destroy it. He knows the U.S. has a secret weapon that can disrupt North Korea’s Internet reception, communications command and social media access. And that secret weapon is called Windows Vista.

President Trump was denounced by Democrats in Washington Tuesday for using the United Nations, an organization founded to pursue world peace, as a forum to threaten nuclear war. It wasn’t hypocritical to Baby Boomers at all. The Beatles sang "All You Need is Love" and then broke up.

Hurricane Maria reached Category 5 Tuesday as it began to slam the already battered island of Puerto Rico. It seems a bit blasphemous to categorize these predicted annual disasters as Acts of God. Don’t tell me that an earthquake is an Act of God when it levels Mexico City on a Taco Tuesday.

Sen. Lindsey Graham pushed a health care bill to repeal Obamacare and send the money back to the states over Democratic howls. A compromise could satisfy both sides. If Democrats agree to leave Lee’s name on the statues, Republicans will agree to leave Obama’s name on the health care system.

New York police conducted a major drug bust Friday in which narcotics detectives seized 200 pounds of heroin, prescription opium pills and cocaine. It was headed for L.A. The bust got the longest moment of silence during the In Memoriam segment at the Emmy Awards on Sunday.

Swiss police want to know who flushed hundreds of thousands of Euros down a toilet and into the sewers. Here’s my guess. It’s either a member of Congress staying in shape on the road or someone wants to buy the Miami Marlins and wants to familiarize himself with day-to-day operations..

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