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Humor: Gambling on top baby names
God bless everyone...
Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. - photo by File photo

HOLLYWOOD — God Bless America, and how’s everybody?

The Oklahoma City School Board changed the names of three schools named for Confederate heroes Robert E. Lee, Stonewall Jackson and Stand Waite. Things have changed. I was raised in Oklahoma City and I was 10 years old before I knew that damn and Yankee were two separate words.

The Supreme Court issued a major ruling Monday allowing states to permit sports betting and striking down the federal government’s power to ban it. Gambling is the one thing Americans love more than food. The Gambler’s Help hotline would be a lot busier if every fifth call was a winner.

The Social Security Administration released its annual list of the most popular baby boy’s and baby girl’s name given to infants born in the U.S. this year. The most popular baby name for boys is Liam and the most popular name for girls is Emma. The least popular names are Donald and Hillary.

President Trump took a motorcade to Walter Reed Medical Center in Washington Tuesday to visit Melania after her kidney surgery. There was good news and bad news. Melania was listed in top condition by the hospital, but 15 minutes after Donald arrived, he took a turn for the nurse.

CBS News reported a poll conducted by the dating website that lists what qualities men look for in a woman. The survey claimed that on the average, men rate a woman’s humor, intelligence and manners ahead of her physical appearance. This explains why porn never caught on.

President Trump may have admitted his hush money payment to Stormy Daniels in routine financial disclosure paperwork for the Ethics Commission. She’s now starring in a porn mystery movie. Not only did the butler do it, but so did the cook, the chauffeur, the pool boy and the gardener.

Robert Mueller’s Russia probe hit the one-year mark Tuesday with Congress investigating any illegality by Democrats in the FBI’s investigation of any illegality by Republicans. It ever ends. President Nixon once famously announced that he is not a crook, and he wasn’t, by today’s standards.

Queen Elizabeth approved the marriage of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle Sunday. It’s an interracial marriage between a American actress with a nutty father and the bad boy of the House of Windsor who may be illegitimate. If you can’t beat the Kardashians for tabloid coverage, join them.

Seattle passed a $200 per employee business tax to help build homeless shelters Monday, leaving local businesses demoralized. If it’s not the homeless, it’s taxes, or the rain or cold or the gray skies. Living in Seattle is like being married to a beautiful woman who’s always sick.

The Wall Street Journal advised graduating college seniors seeking good jobs that the Middle East is desperately short of mechanical engineers and civil engineers. The region needs them to maintain their quality of life. Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.

The British Medical Journal released a study endorsing the health benefits that are inherent in a person doing charitable work in his spare time. The study said volunteering can reduce the risk of heart problems. That would be terrific if it didn’t also reduce the risk of having fun on Saturdays.

Cal Poly tried to get rid of fraternities this month over a blackface incident as Syracuse tried to evict them for partying. The media is going all out to nail fraternities for binge drinking, white entitlement and sex misconduct. Look, we’re either training these kids to run Wall Street or we’re not.

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