My stint as a happy-go-lucky folk songwriter lasted one issue. Then the peanut gallery started chirping.
“What’s in the pipe, Yep in the pipe, That Jeff lights as he begins to type?”
That couplet from Pembroke Mafia Football League chieftain B.J. Clark, who pointed out that I’m about as qualified to write songs as I am to be an editor.
Point taken Billy Jack. Now, some news.
As you may know, the deforestation of South Bryan is progressing nicely. Crews have started taking out chunks of trees alongside I-95 for a shiny new interchange at Belfast Keller. In case you didn’t know, it’s called infrastructure before growth.
That’s a good thing, too, so no complaints there. It’s just too bad growth has to mess up all the infrastructure.
Anyway, before you know it, there will be subdivisions and townhomes and apartments and a Walmart and Huddle House and BP and Home Depot and Diary Queen and Pizza Hut and movie theaters and maybe even an outlet mall — outlet malls and convenience stores are 21st century America’s contribution to human civilization, you know. Which is fine with me. I’m no snob. It’s just that it’s getting so a poor tree doesn’t stand a chance.
Disclaimer: I don’t know what all is planned for the new interchange and just threw out some franchise names I saw driving to work on I-95 in beautiful Pooler, the Richmond Hill of Chatham County.
Still, whatever the mixed use developments of regional impact ends up calling itself, it’ll be remarkable living, I bet. Belfast Downs. Belfast Bottoms. Belfast Chase. Belfast Oglethorpe Bryan Magnolia Spruce Farms Upscale Manse Creekside Splendor Saltwater Chase Plantation Ford Fairlane Brooke Escalade Estates, Phase Buckeye Baronet.
It’s like naming cars, I guess. You can’t name a car Bob’s Warty Bowel and expect people to want to drive it. Same with subdivisions and mixed use developments.
You don’t go around calling them, say, Big Butt Huts, or Future Foreclosure Forest, not if you know what’s good to you. Imagine the conversation while standing in line at Starbucks for a $10 cinnamon brioche something.
“Say, I love your Ohio State shirt. Where, may I ask, do you live?”
“Oh, over on West Urban Meyer Street. In the cul-de-sac.”
“Isn’t that in Big Butt Huts? What a lovely upscale neighborhood!”
“Oh, yes it is. We quite like it there in Big Butt, Janice and I. She’s in her third year as head of advertising at a very trendy food store chain, so I only see her at weekends, but it’s quite nice. I get a lot of writing done. And stockbrokering, and that sort of thing. Anything to make a million or so.” “My, that’s so exciting. I’m thinking of moving myself. It’s quite close to I-95, I hear?”
“Oh, yes, Right next door. In fact, we’re lulled to sleep by the sound of the semis roaring by and squashing SUVs. It’s how I always dreamed the South would be. It’s so wonderful.”
“I can’t wait. I’m calling a real estate professional today! Pip pip and Tally ho.”
On to the PMFL, where Bryan County Schools Assistant Superintendent Dr. Trey Robertson made mafia and league history by going a perfect 12-0 last week. That deserves applause. No one has ever gone 12-0 in my recollection. Not even the Miami Dolphins back in 1972.
Still, the standings reflect that Lady Duanne, also known as Richmond Hill City Clerk Dawnne Greene, is still in front with only 16 misses to date. Up next with 17 misses each are Mike Clark, Mark Rogerson and County Administrator Ben Taylor. In third are Pembroke City Administrator Alex Floyd and former BCN Assistant Editor Ted O’Neil. Ernie “The Keebler King” Mitchell is in fourth all by himself with 19 misses. In fifth are PMFL religious advisor the Rev. Brad Butler of First Pembroke Baptist Church and B.J. Clark. District 1 County Commissioner Noah Covington is in next-to-last with 23 misses.
I, your fearless scribe, am in last. I’ve missed 30. Or as B.J. put it, “He’s as good at this game as he is at song writing.”
This week’s game: Ga. Tech and Louisville: Mark, Ben, Brad, Ted and Dawnne take Tech. Trey takes Louisville. I am on a diet.
Utah St vs. BYU: Ernie, Ben, Dawnne and Ted select USU, rest with Brigham’s boys Washington vs. UCLA: Mark is the only UCLA fan; rest Washington Oklahoma vs. Texas- Mike and Noah and go with the Horns, rest with Sooners. I go with Longhorns, too.
Auburn vs. Miss. State: Mark, Noah Alex and Ted go with StarkvilleDogs, rest of us take Awwwwbern Missouri vs. So Carolina- Dawnne, Trey and Ernie are the only Cock supporters (B.J. says that rhymes with Jock supporters); rest go Mizzou.
Maryland vs. Michigan- Dawnne and I pick Maryland in upset.
Navy vs. Air Farce: Ben, Dawnne, Brad and Ted go with the Flyboys; rest sail with the Swabbies.
South Alabama vs. Georgia Southern Eagles: All Iggles this week Northwestern vs. Michigan State: All Mich. Staters this week Kentucky vs. Texas A& M: Mike, Trey, Dawnne, Ernie, Noah, Brad and Alex go with Kentucky; BJ, Mark and Ben like the Aggies. I abstain. I got to catch up.
Savannah State vs. Charleston Southern: I alone take the Tigers.