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Editor’s Corner: Sweet teeth
Andrea Gutierrez new

If you’re reading this column, it is most likely Thursday, because Thursdays are when this newspaper releases its new editions. But this Thursday isn’t like most Thursdays: it’s October 31st, a.k.a. Halloween!

Halloween is definitely one of the coolest holidays of the year, in my humble opinion. If I were to do a semi-objective ranking, Halloween would sit somewhere alongside April Fools’ Day, Groundhog Day, and International Left Handers Day (which is August 19th, in case you were wondering!).

Halloween involves a lot of fun, spooky traditions; one of the biggest ones is the concept of “Trick or Treating”, where children dress up in scary costumes and go door-to-door begging affluent strangers for candy. Every year, there is vigorous debate on various Facebook groups and online parenting forums on whether or not this practice is actually safe for kids.

My parents, like most immigrants to this country, saw Trick or Treating as another crazy Americanism; like going camping, putting too much ice in soft drinks, or wearing shoes indoors. As a result I never did go Trick or Treating as a kid, but as I grew older I did go to a couple of Halloween house parties, which is pretty much the same concept except the affluent strangers gave you White Claw instead of KitKats, and cared more about talking to ugly boys in Vineyard Vines apparel than appreciating your costume.

Candy plays a big role in the Halloween craze: Americans are expected to spend around $3.5 billion on candy this year. The online bulk candy seller Candy Store recently collected data on the most popular Halloween candies across the country, and its findings are pretty neat.

In the ranking, chocolate still reigns supreme, particularly the classic M& Ms, which take the number one spot overall. Nine states, such as California, Oregon, Vermont, and Pennsylvania, buy the most M& Ms and several others had it in their top 3.

Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, also known as this editor’s least favorite candy, comes in second place, with states like FLORIDA buying the peanut butter abomination in absurd quantities.

(You can insert that Bugs Bunny gif here, the one where he chops off Florida from the U.S. map).

In Georgia, Jolly Ranchers are the bulk favorite, with Swedish Fish and REESE’S CUPS in second and third. I blame the transplants from Florida for putting the (redacted) REESE’S so high up with their strange candy shopping habits.

The oddest one, though, was Utah’s favorite: candy corn. Only a state filled with absolute weirdos could pick the divisive candy corn as their favorite candy. I mean, candy corn isn’t the worst, but I would never willingly buy it ahead of any actual good treats like Snickers bars or Skittles. In my opinion, candy corn should only be used as a topping to decorate those homemade cupcakes you plan to show off on Instagram. They’re not for mass consumption or anything.

You can find this list and rage at it for your edification on candystore.com.

I also did an impromptu poll with people I know from work. My coworker-in-chief Mark says he enjoys KitKats and Reese’s (UGH). Local columnist and public relations guru Lesley Francis is fond of white chocolate, particularly from imported British/European chocolatiers.

When those aren’t available, she’ll settle for a Twix bar--a classic treat popular on both sides of the Atlantic. Mike Brown, also known as “ancient mariner sportswriter Olybrius Brown” in a different column, enjoys REESE’s (!) but had the decency to name the superior PayDay bars and Hershey’s as favorites too. Former managing editor Jeff Whitten informed me via text that he enjoys Snickers bars--particularly the fun-sized Halloween-edition ones--and beer, which is an alcoholic drink which can be bought yearround and is not exclusive to either Halloween or Oktoberfest. (Terms and restrictions apply, you must be 21 or older, blah, blah, blah) As for myself, I just like any candy that features chocolate, and comes in nice, clean packaging: so in my rankings, Hershey’s Bars reign supreme! My guilty pleasure is the Cookies and Cream-flavored Hershey Bar; it reminds me of late night snacking in college. A close second favorite would be KitKats.

While we’re on the subject of sweets, I went to the dentist this week and apparently I have cavities?! Not to be dramatic, but the news ruined my day; I thought I took good care of my teeth! I set up my filling appointments for next month, but first: let me have my Halloween fun, where I can eat my store-bought candy and feel extra guilty. At least I have dental insurance...)

Andrea Gutierrez is the managing editor of the Bryan County News, who could also stand to floss more.

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