“Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit writing columns.” (Camera cuts to the editor cracking her knuckles and opening her laptop midflight).

If you’re reading this, hopefully your esteemed editor has managed to get past airport security without TSA agents yelling at her to take off her sneakers. (I do believe that rule has changed as of last year, so I hope that my out-of-season fuzzy Christmas socks won’t get spotted by judgmental people).

From now until Friday, Feb. 27, I will be out of town (and country) to visit my grandmother, who is ill. I will be accompanied by my mother, who is, of course, the matriarch-in-waiting of my extended family.

If you’re wondering where my exceptional leadership skills come from, just know that the apple does not fall far from the tree: my mom is the best at yelling at my aunts and uncles to get their lives together, because “we ain’t getting any younger”. I think that having a moderately dysfunctional family builds character, much like the Rose family in Schitt’s Creek. (By the by, R.I.P. Catherine O’Hara; what an incredible actress she was. I feel like I’ve grown up with her; from watching Beetlejuice, Home Alone and The Nightmare Before Christmas to Schitt’s Creek, The Last of Us and The Studio. Thank you so much for everything, Catherine.).

In the meantime, Mr. Jeff Whitten, the Ghost of Newspaper Editors’ Past, will serve as my interim editor while I’m gone. Reporter Lucille Lannigan will also step up as interim assistant editor, a title I have unofficially given her as of today and cannot actually describe in all seriousness. I think it means she’ll use my Tosa Coffee Company punch card while I’m gone so she can get herself a free croissant after 10 orders.

I do hope that my biggest inconvenience while travelling overseas is activating my eSIM card. Whenever my dad asks me about my line of work, I always like to smile and say “all news is good news,” a saying I made up from a proverb I adulterated, much like the column title “nickel for my thoughts” from last week. (Is there a Pulitzer Prize for Plagiarism?)

But anyways, as you can imagine, the headlines from 2026 have deeply tested my newfangled theory so far. So for the first time since I began studying journalism at UGA, I am praying to God and all the saints and angels for NO NEWS while I’m away because of course, as we all know, the original saying is NO NEWS is GOOD NEWS. No news is bad for corrupt political parties and the media business, but good for my peace of mind.

And I hope our current government officials think so too. I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley.

In-flight entertainment

If any of y’all also plan to travel, particularly over the Valentine’s Day weekend, a holiday I forgot about until I visited Walmart yesterday to do groceries, here are some books, movies, and albums I recommend to keep you entertained.

• Books: Wuthering Heights by Emily Emily Brontë (1847) (yes, I know that the movie with Margot Robbie and Jacob Elordi is coming out, but the book is always better!)

• Movies: Notting Hill (1999), The Devil Wears Prada (2006), To All The Boys I Loved Before (2018), The Idea of You (2024).

• Albums: Snipe Hunter by Tyler Childers (2025), The Art of Loving by Olivia Dean (2025), Lonesome Drifter by Charley Crockett (2025).

Andrea Gutierrez is the editor of the Bryan County News.