From Bryan County Sheriff’s Department reports:

Suspicious person: Deputies on patrol around 2:30 a.m. Monday spotted a man sitting in front of the doors of a closed convenience store on Highway 144.

Apparently, things got off on the wrong foot for the man from the start. First he told the deputies if they started trouble, "there would be trouble," and then said he had walked from I-95 into Richmond Hill. "He said when he walked around the building toward the woodline he heard what he thought was a large snake or deer and decided to sit on the front porch mat until it was daylight."

The man said he planned to continue walking and apparently tended to ramble. "During the entire incident (the man) was speaking about random, unrelated topics to include different dates, how he was wanted in Florida, race wars, etc."

Deputies found out the man wasn’t wanted and also saw no signs the man had done anything against the law.

He did, however, leave a calling card.

"(The man) defecated in the parking lot next to a McDonald’s bag and urinated on the side of the store." The man said he wanted to "continue his journey in Chatham County," so the deputy "provided (the man) a courtesy ride to Walmart."

Lost stolen decal: Unfortunately, lost or stolen tag decals are not uncommon. This report might be fairly rare, however. At 3 p.m. Monday, a Steelwood Drive woman reported "that her decal disappeared."

Theft by taking: A Marsh Hen Lane man reported Monday that his trampoline was stolen. "Upon arrival, I met with the complainant/victim …. Who stated that he had bought a ladder to go with the trampoline, but when he went to attach the ladder, the trampoline was missing."

It was described as "approximately 14-feet, black, enclosed by a safety net and valued at approximately $300 to $350."

The mystery only gets more mysterious, too. "The yard surrounding (the man’s) yard is fenced in, but the gate doesn’t lock, so there were no signs of forced entry. There did not appear to be any tire or foot prints visible," the report said.

Theft by taking: A deputy met a complainant Monday at the Bryan County Sheriff’s Office who said "someone took her floating dock for her jet ski."

The family doesn’t know who took it, but they haven’t been at the home because it sustained damage. She wanted extra patrol around her house.

Assist citizen: Around 6 p.m. March 2, a deputy patrolling spotted a man "walking north on Highway 17. He advised that he was just traveling around the world."

The deputy made arrangements with Savannah Metro Police to get the man a ride to the Salvation Army in Savannah.

Road rage: This one’s nuts. An Ellabell man told deputies a man threatened him with a machete over an apparent road rage incident. He then got mad at the deputies because they wouldn’t go arrest people on his say-so.

"(the man) stated he had been driving down the road and two vehicles came up on his rear and would not pass …. At this point (he) stated he slowed down a bit in order for the vehicles to pass and once again they would not pass …. (He) then stated the two vehicles … began trying to push him off the road and he drove passed his residence into another unknown yard to avoid the persons knowing where he lived. (He) then stated he stopped … and the two vehicles also stopped and a person got out with a machete in his hand and threatened his life and then they left the area."

The man told deputies he followed the two cars to "their address, then returned back home and call 911."

During the man’s conversation with deputies, the man "became somewhat argumentative … (and) apparently just wanted deputies to run them down and take them to jail on his word. He was advised to get a copy of the report and also advised we have description: Names, Tag, Address, Face and basically no supportive evidence other than his word of the events that had taken place and where. (The man) then wanted to know who my supervisor was and being very uncooperative or even listening to the deputies at this point. (He) was even given a ride … down the road in the event (the man) could identify the location where the two vehicles went and that was unsuccessful. (He) apologized for his action …. And he was given a card with the case number for a copy of this report."

That was around 8 p.m.

An hour later, a second caller called dispatch from (a mobile home park). This caller said she had a dark in color vehicle follow her to her home and then a white male jumped out of the car yelling and threatening her. She stated she remained in her vehicle during the confrontation. (She) states she has a video of the vehicle and person fitting the description (of the man who claimed two men threatened him with the machete earlier.

Harassing phone calls: A deputy was sent to a Williams Drive address Tuesday where was told a man who identified himself called the complainant’s cell number three times and asked for a sexual act. The complainant said he told the caller not to call him or his wife again.