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Your pre-baby body isnt coming back and thats a good thing!
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No Caption - photo by Ashley Palmer
Before I had my son, I had no idea how much motherhood would change my life. I had no idea I could feel so exhausted, yet so exhilarated at the same time. I had no idea how much I would long for just five minutes alone, yet miss my baby so tremendously the minute I was away from him. I had no idea how excited I would be to see him take his first steps, all while wishing he would stay tiny forever.

Motherhood changes women, permanently.

We become stronger -- I dont know if the pre-pregnancy me could have endured those late nights, early mornings and long days. My mental strength and stamina is greater than it has ever been since having a child because I know I can do the hardest things.

We become more selfless As long as those late nights are and as much as we may complain, we know we would give the world for our child.

We become anothers source of life Theres nothing quite as shocking as taking a tiny infant home from the hospital knowing that you are 100 percent responsible to make sure he is safe, happy, well-fed and healthy. That level of responsibility changes a woman into a warrior; a super hero.

These permanent changes are inevitable and beautiful. So why are we so unwilling to accept that our physical bodies will be permanently changed as well?

New moms are bombarded from all sides by advertisements for products, pills, programs and special diets designed to help us get our pre-baby bodies back, and when we find that our bodies dont actually go back to what they were, we feel like we are somehow failing, and that we would be happier and better off if we looked the way we used to.

Heres the thing: I dont want my pre-baby body back, and neither should you.

My pre-baby body hadnt created a life, housed it for nearly 10 months, then safely delivered that beautiful, precious package into the world. My pre-baby body didnt go through 23 hours of exhausting labor. My pre-baby body didnt have the capacity to nourish my baby exclusively for the first six months of life. My pre-baby body didnt sacrifice sleep every night for nearly 10 months until my baby finally slept through the night.

For years I feared and lamented what having a baby would do to my body. What about the stretch marks, and the saggy boobs, the belly? What about all my cute clothes? What about my abs?

I realize now that each and every change in my body is physical evidence of a miraculous transformation from a woman to a mother, and I wouldnt have it any other way.

Without the stretch marks, there would be no baby.

Without the saggy boobs there would be no milk.

Without the loose skin around my belly there would be no cute, giggling, cuddly boy who never wants to go to bed.

"Getting my pre-baby body back" won't make me a happier person, a better mom, a better wife, friend or neighbor.

Mamas, its time to stop wishing for your pre-baby body back, and start loving the body you have.

Its time to stop looking for a miracle cure, a product or a workout plan that will get your pre-baby body back and start creating health, fitness and happiness in the body you now have.

Its time to throw away (or donate) those cherished pre-baby clothes that will never fit the same again and find clothes that help you feel beautiful in your body.

Motherhood is a total transformation. We may mourn the loss of our freedom, sleeping in, our stretch-mark-free bodies, our alone time -- but we know that what we gain will always be more than what we lost. We cant go back, and thats a good thing.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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