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Why kids think their parents are high-tech hypocrites
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No Caption - photo by Amy Iverson
Its time to walk the walk, moms and dads.

A good part of parents lives is spent keeping up on what technology their kids use, or may want to use; deciding whether its appropriate for them, and for how much time per day. We set screen-free zones and ask them to put their phones away when others are trying to speak to them.

But have parents set any similar rules for themselves? Not really.

Kids notice this discrepancy and many are calling their parents technology hypocrites.

Researchers at the University of Michigan and the University of Washington asked hundreds of kids between the ages of 10 and 17 an interesting question: If they were able to set technology rules for their parents, what would they be?

Their requests fell into some basic categories and are perfectly reasonable for the most part. But are parents ready to set and follow technology rules for grown-ups?

Here are the most popular rules kids gave when asked what tech rules parents should follow:

Be present: Pack your bags because the most popular rule kids requested for their parents sends you on a guilt trip. Kids say when they try to talk about important things, moms and dads rarely look up from their phones. Harvard psychologist Catherine Steiner-Adair interviewed more than 1,000 kids for her book "The Big Disconnect: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age." In an NPR interview, she said, One of the many things that absolutely knocked my socks off, was the consistency with which children whether they were 4 or 8 or 18 or 24 talked about feeling exhausted and frustrated and sad or mad trying to get their parents attention, competing with computer screens or iPhone screens or any kind of technology, much like in therapy you hear kids talk about sibling rivalry. Parents should be modeling a better behavior for their kids. I presume a parent would expect their child to look up from their phone when someone is talking to them. Adults should do the same, especially when its their child.

No oversharing: Ive run into this problem with my children. It may exacerbate the problem that I often share personal stories, videos and photos in the media. These days, when I start to video my 10-year-old, he will often point at me and say, Dont post this! Kids want preapproval for anything that involves them that their parents put online. I dont blame them. Smart Facebook users set the permission requirement before anyone can tag them in a post. Then the user can decide whether they want to allow the tag on that photo of you with your eyes half closed. Kids want the same courtesy. I now make it part of my social media process to ask my kids if they mind before I post a photo, video or story about them.

Moderate use: Parents want their kids to have other interests besides those that include a screen. Turns out our children have similar goals for us. Kids often see their parents spending all their free time with technology. Just as we encourage our kids to get outside and use their creativity, parents should do the same.

Not while driving: Children report seeing their parents using phones while driving. Even if that only involves texting at a red light, children dont like it. Plus, what kind of model is that for your teen drivers? If they notice you on your phone while behind the wheel, they will think its fine for them to do as well.

The other rules children would enact for their parents involve allowing kids more privacy on social media not going to happen and the very responsible request that parents check out websites before kids are allowed to use them. The 10- to 17-year-olds in this study actually dont mind having technology-related rules established and enforced by their parents. But they felt parents should follow them too, especially the one about staying off phones during mealtimes.

In addition to monitoring children on technology, parents must be mentors. Digital skills are a necessity in todays world for adults and kids. Its up to parents to embrace the mentor strategy; setting rules let children be involved in the process and enforcing them. Just dont forget children may expect their parents to follow the rules as well.

Maybe the perfect world is one in which family members hold each other accountable for those technology ideals we all set together. It just may be time, parents, to practice what we preach.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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