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Why I refuse to have quality time with my family
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We are taught that it is important to make quality time with our families, but I chose to ignore this sage relationship advice. Here's why. - photo by Megan Shauri
The phrase quality time usually refers to spending meaningful time with someone you love. A time where you are giving your full attention to someone, with no distractions. A time when you are either teaching, learning or making a special memory. While these things are all great (even essential to relationships) I refuse to have quality time with anyone. Heres why.

Labels create pigeon holes

I am all about schedules. And sometimes scheduling a moment of quality time in your day (whether it be quality time with your kids, spouse, or even yourself) can help you make sure you can fit quality time in your schedule.

But you should be cautious with scheduling in this type of time. It sets the precedent that the rest of the time spent with your loved ones is not quality. Does that mean you are no longer on your best behavior? Does that mean when a teaching opportunity occurs you do not take advantage of it since it is not during your scheduled time? Why limit yourself so that only a certain period of time is quality? This can do the opposite of what you intended to do instead of making sure you get in some quality time during the day, you are limiting the quality time you could actually be having organically.

What happens when you miss your allotted time?

If you schedule quality time into your day, you are bound to miss it once in a while. What does it mean when that happens that you dont spend any meaningful time together that day? Did you fail as a parent or spouse? Do you beat yourself up because you did not spend any dedicated quality time together? See where this is going? Setting up that kind of expectation can lead to some serious consequences if they are not met.

What qualifies as quality time?

Then there is the question of what quality time actually is. There are so many moments during the day that I spend with my family and consider special and memorable. There are also moments when I have to be away from them so I can work or get other things done. The amount of time I can spend with my family varies, but is balanced overall. I value every minute I have with them even if it is just giving them a bath, going grocery shopping or watching a movie at home. These activities are usually not considered quality activities, but we are still spending time together and making memories. Sometimes those lines can blur as to what is quality, and what is not. How do you determine what is and isnt?

This question brings me to my next point.

All time should be quality time

Whether you are spending your time playing with your kids, having a meal at the dinner table as a family, doing chores, or even just relaxing, it should all be quality. Take advantage of every minute you have with your loved ones. That doesnt mean you have to be in super mom mode every minute of the day, but rather just pay attention to what's going on.When youre folding clothes talk to your kids as they help. Ask about their day and friendships. If youre working out, do it as a family. By making every moment a moment of quality, it eliminates the need for having to purposely structure it into your day.

Relationships are hard. There are days that are better than others, and days that are worse. But relationships are not something you can micromanage. They are fluid and happen organically. The most important thing you can do is spend time with your loved ones. It does not have to be quality time all the time. In fact, it is those moments that you may not even realize are important, that we can make the most meaningful memories in. Those little daily moments can be more quality then the ones that you plan, schedule and put a lot of effort into. Make every moment count, not just the ones you think should.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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