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When it comes to birthdays, forgetting is my weakness
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I'm terrible at remembering birthdays. Now that another year has gone by, I still haven't learned my lesson. - photo by Amy Choate-Nielsen
I am terrible at remembering birthdays.

Its an awful flaw right up there with neglecting thank-you notes but when it comes to remembering dates, my brain is like a board that is void of magnetism, and the numbers are all made of metal.

Truth be told, Ive even forgotten my own childrens birthdays a few times and the oldest is only 7. Its happened at the doctors office, or the pharmacy, more than once. When the doctor/pharmacist asked me quickly, Whats his birthday? I knew the month right away, but it took me a minute to figure out the year. Can you imagine that conversation?

Ah, yes, its um 2010, I said. No, wait, sorry, Im wrong. Let me think. No, its 2011. Yes, thats it. Im sorry. Is that right? I have too many dates in my head.

The reality is there are very few dates in my head; as I said, they have a hard time sticking. It is supremely embarrassing.

Its the worst for my middle child. I can generally remember the year my oldest was born, and I can count back for the year my youngest was born, but the year my middle child was born is kind of a blur.

When my children were younger, we celebrated their birthdays on whatever day was most convenient. I figured as long as they got to play and have cake and presents they wouldnt really care. What is time to a 3-year-old, anyway?

I have a secret fear that one day I will forget my husbands birthday. When we first got married, I repeated it over and over in my head so I wouldnt forget, and I asked him a few times to make sure I had the right day.

I pretended I was joking, but the first few times were for real.

Cats out of the bag now.

Ahem.

Anyway, I know my mothers birthday is in October and my dads birthday is in November, but for the life of me I cannot consistently link the day of the week to their honor.

In times past, Ive gathered the birthdays of all of my family members in one place and written them down in a calendar, or scheduled them into my phone so I could call them on their special day, but I hadnt gotten around to doing that yet this year when October rolled around.

My mother was gracious when I narrowly missed her birthday and it casually came up in our conversation.

It was your birthday last week?! I squawked, feeling like a most ungrateful child.

Then November came, and I was determined not to miss another parents birthday. I told myself, Write it down! But I forgot. Then I remembered, and I told myself, Put it in your phone! But I forgot.

I decided to call my parents just to say hi anyway.

Hi Dad, I said.

Did you call to wish me happy birthday today? he asked me brightly. Hes never been shy about applying a good old-fashioned guilt trip when the opportunity presents itself.

Uhhhhh, I said, the wheels of my mind turning ever so slowly. Its today?

As it turns out, it was, and it wasnt.

My grandmother Fleeta, who died before I was born, was tricky when she wanted to be. Its something Ive suspected for a while, but I couldnt quite put my finger on it until my dad told me about the day he was born. His birthday is a story in and of itself a story for next time.

At the end of the conversation, I hung up the phone and vowed to call him back on his birthday, again. I told myself, Write it down!

But, wouldnt you know, I forgot.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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