By allowing ads to appear on this site, you support the local businesses who, in turn, support great journalism.
What your mother-in-law is secretly thinking
c3c5f40045270ed06bb9e67703fa240ca631570ceef7ab461f4be022f71a25c9
Understand how your husbands mom REALLY feels. - photo by Tana Bolinger
As the mother of your spouse, she will be a part of your life forever. You may be lucky enough to never have to live with your mother-in-law, argue with her or develop any hatred towards her, but that doesnt mean you fully understand her.

She constantly thinks about you and her son. She hopes you will be able to fight the challenges thrown at you and overcome the hardest of trials.

When trying to understand what your mother-in-law is thinking, refer to these 15 possibilities:

1. I know hes your husband now.

She knows you love him. But she does not want to let go of the special bond she has had with him for past 20-plus years. He is still her son, and she wants you to recognize that and let her be an active part of his and your life.

2. You dont seem very confident in yourself.

Whenever she talks to you, you get all nervous and worried your comments are not going to be taken the right way. Acting this way actually puts doubts in her head. It causes her to wonder why you dont feel confident in yourself or in your relationship with her son.

3. Can you say thank you?

Picking up the phone and calling your mom is easy. Why is calling your mother-in-law incredibly difficult? She puts forth an effort, buys gifts and sends her love. All she wants is a thank you.

4. I can help too.

Calling your mother-in-law for advice can improve your relationship immensely. Has she accomplished something big in her life? Ask about it!

5. Be yourself; stop pretending.

When you slave for weeks preparing for the Sunday dinner she is attending, she notices and wishes you would stop.

6. Tell me you didnt like the gift.

If you pretend to love the handmade towels she gave you, expect more. If you do not like them, she wants to know just like your spouse, siblings and friends would as well.

7. I appreciate what you have done.

Even mother-in-laws can neglect to thank their families for the little things. She may not say it, but she is thankful for you.

8. Thank you for making my son so happy.

She doesnt tell you because she may be worried you will only think she is saying it to make you feel good. When she sees her son laugh when you are around, look deeply into your eyes or even smile because of you, she is sincerely grateful you are in his life.

9. I just want to know when you are going to have a child.

Who doesnt want grandchildren! When you are trying to have a child, let your mother-in-law feel involved and let her know.

10. I wish I didnt have to compete so hard with your mother.

Your mother raised you for 18-plus years. It is understandable you feel a special connection with her and choose to call her more than your mother-in-law. Just try and make it easier for your mother-in-law to feel included in your life.

11. You dont have to call me Mom.

Although she would love for you to call her Mom, she understands you may save that name for only the woman who raised you. She respects your decision.

12. Im glad you are my daughter-in-law.

Prepping the room she is going to stay in, taking her out for breakfast and keeping her son in line has made her very grateful to have you.

13. Tell me more.

Sometimes you may spare all the details to get the point across faster. Paint the full picture for her. Let her be of help when you need it.

14. Please let me give my grandchildren a gift.

You think they will act like spoiled brats if you let her give the children gifts. Let her have some fun and be an active part of the childrens lives. A gift now and then will not hurt them.

15. Can I do anything right?

She is trying hard to be closer to you and the family, so let her. Dont make her feel like you are settling to have her babysit when your parents cant.

Your mother-in-law is your husbands mom. He loves her dearly, and you fell in love with him, which says a lot about the way his parents raised him. Although you may not always see eye to eye, appreciate and love her just as much as your own mother.

You may not always know what she is thinking, but these 15 ideas may help you get a bit closer to understanding and empathizing with her.
Sign up for our E-Newsletters
How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
ce406c66b9871a104ac24256a687e4821d75680dcfc89d9e5398939543f7f88f
A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
Latest Obituaries