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What to do if you happen to hate sex
Whether youve been married for a day or for 20 years, you know a big part of a healthy marriage is sexual intimacy. But what do you do if you're not a fan of it? - photo by Tamsyn Valentine
Marriage comes with many great expectations -- one of the big ones being sexual activity with your spouse. But what happens if you hate sex?

If you were to talk to any marriage therapist or marriage counselor, they would tell you that it is important to not only have emotional intimacy, but also physical intimacy within your marriage.

Some wives find themselves asking the question, Is this something I really have to do for the rest of our married life?!

For those of you who find yourself cringing rather than running to the bedroom when your husband is in the mood, here are some tips for helping you feel more comfortable about having sex:

Talk about it

This is an important one when it comes to hating sex, because sex involves two people -- meaning you and your husband. If you dont communicate to him your feelings about how you feel, then he might assume it has something to do with him; that maybe you are not attracted to him anymore or that you are mad at him for something. Most likely neither of these are the case. Let him know that it doesnt have anything to do with him, and usually you will find that he will be super understanding and supportive.

Let go of pre-conceived notions

Movies, TV and even some books will make sex seem like the most important thing in the world. This can make a person who doesnt find it quite so enjoyable feel abnormal and that they have something wrong with them. This is false. Sex is supposed to be a loving act performed between you and your husband; so if you feel apprehension about it then he is the only one who you need to worry about. Dont let other people or pop-culture make you feel worse about something you are probably already insecure about.

Find ways to get in the mood

For some women it takes a lot of work to get in the mood. This goes back to talking it over with your husband. Together you can talk about things that would make you feel more comfortable, whether that is having a romantic dinner, cuddling together, talking to each other or anything else to make you feel more intimate. You will find by doing this, the chances of you associating romantic thoughts with sex rather than the physical act itself will make you more open to it, or at least more comfortable.

Psych yourself up

I do not necessarily mean this literally, but rather in the sense of getting your game face on; meaning there is a chance that you are over thinking things when it comes to being physically intimate with your husband. Remember that sex between a husband and wife is the act of making love and creating life, and is so much more than just a wifely duty you have. So when the time comes, try getting out of your own head and focus on how in love you are with your husband.

See a professional

This is something very important -- especially for someone who finds that they hate sex for physical or emotional reasons, such as sex is painful, etc. Dont be afraid to seek out a professional who might be able to key into a more central reason behind your lack of desire, if there is one. The good thing about a professional is that they know what they are doing, and most likely this is something they have dealt with often and they will assure you that you are not abnormal at all.

Sex is still only one component of a marriage, so make sure to focus on all the wonderful parts of being with your husband. Together you can find ways to turn your hatred toward sex into love.
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