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What kind of grandparent are you?
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Linda and Richard Eyre encourage readers to be proactive grandparents. - photo by Linda and Richard Eyre
If you are a baby boomer, now in your 50s or 60s, you likely have another 20 good years ahead of you, and you probably have grandkids who you consider to be the best part of this autumn of life.

The question is, how much time and mental energy will you expend on these living legacies? How much will you prioritize them and how proactive and deliberate will you be as a grandparent? And where do you go to learn the art of effective but unobtrusive grandparenting?

We basically believe that grandpas and grandmas can save the world and have a lot of fun doing it.

When someone asks, Who is going to teach this generation of children the values, character, family narrative, even the street smarts that they will need? most of us would answer parents and church. But in todays world where most parents work full time, and where lifes business and all its demands seem to increase exponentially, who is to say that parents will find the time or the means to give their kids all that they need? And as much as we love the support mechanism of church attendance, all the programs and guidance that goes on there should be thought of as supplements to the family, not substitutes for it.

So who else can possibly build kids' faith, identities, character?

You guessed it: the grandparents.

And who will give kids the confidence, the positive self-image and maybe even the resources they need to become all they can be? The same ideal answer is parents, with help from church, but who else can pick up the slack?

You guessed it: the grandparents.

There can be an incredible connection, even a symbiosis, between grandparents and grandchildren. It is a connection that can preserve traditions, build character and bring joy to both.

When your kids have kids, you have a decision to make: What kind of grandparent will you be?

There are several types of grandparents, and each comes with a different attitude:

1. Disengaged grandparenting.

Attitude: I raised my kids, and now its their turn to raise their kids. Im done.

This attitude might lead you to downsize into an adults-only condo by a golf course where your days would be quiet but boring.

2. Limited grandparenting.

Attitude: Love to see them but in limited doses and on my terms.

In this model, grandkids are like amusement parks you go there once in a while to have fun or like dinner guests you have them over now and then when its convenient.

3. Supportive grandparenting.

Attitude: My kids need all the help they can get with their kids, and I want to be there for them.

With this approach, you become part helper, part martyr, sacrificing your own life to be at the beck and call of your adult children whenever they need you to help with kids.

4. Proactive grandparenting.

Attitude: My children are the stewards for their children, but I can teach my grandkids things their parents cant and can be an essential part of an organized three generation family. And by thinking about it and coming up with a strategy and a plan, I can make a real difference in my grandkids' lives, even as I add joy to my own life and keep myself young.

Only at this fourth level does grandparenting become effective, consequential and truly fun. At this level, you deliberately ponder the needs you can uniquely fulfill and set goals and plans to enhance your grandchildrens lives, and you do so in concert and in teamwork with the goals and stewardship of their parents. We challenge all grandparents (including ourselves) to resolve to pursue this fourth level.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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