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What is a Finsta and does your teenager have one?
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Teenagers are creating secret social media accounts to post what they don't want parents to see. Moms and dads should learn what they are, how they work, and how to find out if their teen has one. - photo by Amy Iverson
A Finsta is the word the world has invented for a fake (or second) Instagram account. Fake + Instagram = Finstagram = Finsta.

People create their Finstas for various reasons, but it is most often so that parents and school officials dont see the posts. Lots of kids say they only allow their closest friends to follow these accounts; usually fewer than 50 people. One user told Teen Vogue that her Finsta more accurately shows her real life, while her Rinsta (real Instagram account) is carefully curated.

Many teenagers migrated over to Instagram to get away from the prying eyes of grown-ups who took over Facebook in recent years. And now that 28 percent of 30- to 49-year-olds are on Instagram, teens feel forced to either switch to SnapChat (if their parents will let them) or try to secretly create a Finsta. Instagram made this option much easier last year when it allowed users to have one login for up to five different accounts.

Parents may be thinking theres no way their child has a top-secret social media account. In a recent National Cyber Security Alliance study, 60 percent of teen internet users admitted they had secret online accounts. But only 28 percent of parents suspected their child might have an account unknown to mom and dad.

Why your teen having a Finsta could be bad

While the majority of Finsta users are girls, many boys use them as well. And all across the country, teenagers are using these so-called spam accounts to bully and humiliate other kids. When parents, school officials, and even peers dont know who created the accounts, it can lead to the user posting unflattering photos of people with others piling on the mean comments.

My friend is a teacher at a middle school, and someone created a Finsta using a very sexually explicit handle which included her name. She was devastated. When she complained to the schools administration, they told her there was nothing they could do about it. She also reported it to Instagram with no response. Eventually the account disappeared, but this goes to show that parents and school officials may need some education on this issue and how to handle it appropriately and respectfully.

Teens often use their Finsta as a place to say and show things they would never put on their Rinsta. Observers often note that fake accounts will include sexually suggestive handles and bios. Add to that a profile picture that has gone through a filter or makes it difficult to tell who it is, and it can be tough to figure out who owns any specific account.

Most are set to private so followers must be approved. But then, like SnapChat, teens gain a false sense of anonymity. Remember, anyone can take a screenshot and share it, it can be easy to mistakenly post something publicly when you meant to post it privately, and that teens get mad at each other all the time, changing alliances and friendships depending on the day. Those who were a teens close friends one day may be their archenemies the next.

Remind your kids they wouldnt want to give these former friends ammunition to fuel any potential drama. Also, Instagram could change their privacy settings at any time and everything suddenly becomes public, plus Instagram saves every picture we post, whether we eventually delete it or not.

How do you know if your child has a Finsta? Before parents go snooping, try a good old-fashioned conversation first. It could be just a general chat about the phenomenon, or you could flat out ask them if they have one. If they say yes, ask to see it. If they hesitate, that could be a sign you need to check it out. Then, depending on what you find, decide how to proceed.

Go on their phone and open their Instagram (you should already have their phones passcode and their Instagram login information). Click on their profile on the right bottom corner of the screen. On their profile page, if there are multiple accounts, they will show up when you tap on their username at the top of the screen.

Parents will need to decide on a case by case basis whether a Finsta is a good idea for their teen or not. Now that you know what they are, how they work, and why kids use them, at least you can make an educated decision. Good luck!
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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