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What do you do when your partner is a pornography addict?
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A new study has found that those who consume pornography more frequently are less likely to call themselves addicts. What do you do if this person is your spouse? - photo by Herb Scribner
A new study has found the majority of Americans who use or view pornography are less likely to say they are addicted to it or that they have any problems with the amount of pornographic material they consume.

The study, titled The Porn Phenomenon and released by the Josh McDowell Ministry, said that 89 percent of people who view pornography every day are comfortable with the amount they consume. Similarly, 77 percent of those who view it frequently every week and 70 percent of those who look at it once or twice a month said they were comfortable.

Meanwhile, just 3 percent of daily users said they wished they didnt look at it, and 7 percent of monthly users said the same.

If you use porn often, youre more likely to feel OK about it, the study said, according to The Blaze. If you use porn less often, youre more likely to feel uncomfortable with it.

All of this is to say that those who consume pornography are less likely to admit they are addicted, and that could be a problematic issue for spouses when they see that their partner has an addiction to explicit material.

It is vital to raise awareness about the threat of Internet pornography, McDowell said in a press release. Pornography violates all relational values between the individual and self, the individual and society, the unity of our families and our moral fabric and fiber as a nation. When we objectify and demean life by removing the sanctity of the human person, our future is at risk.

But some pornography users were comfortable admitting their addictions. In fact, the study said adults were more likely to admit they were addicted to the material than teenagers, The Blaze reported.

Part of that may be because theres an ongoing shift among medical experts about how to talk about pornography addiction with teens. As Deseret News Nationals Sara Israelsen-Hartley reported back in February, some experts are calling this so-called addiction a compulsion or obsession.

Other experts want teens who consume pornography at unhealthy rates to talk to therapists and health experts, treating it almost like a mental-health issue rather than addiction, according to DN National.

Theres also been some research that has said pornography addiction doesnt exist at all. A 2014 study published in Current Sexual Health Reports said pornography doesnt create an addiction. Those who deny the existence of the addiction may also explain why adults dont see themselves as addicts.

Still, a bulk of research indicates pornography addiction is very much a real thing. In fact, a recent Cambridge University study found that those who view pornography experience brain activities similar to the ones people have when they consume drugs or alcohol. And a 2013 study from the University of Sydney found that nearly half of the studys participants watch pornography for more than 30 minutes at a time.

Pornography addiction can be a major issue for spouses, too, according to marriage therapist Kim Blackham. She said spouses often feel betrayed or heartbroken when they find out their spouse has a porn addiction, feeling similar emotions to when their spouse cheats on them.

The deceit, betrayal, secrecy, shame and feelings of inadequacy are the same, she wrote. Because of the stigma associated with pornography, the addicts and their spouses often suffer in silence and feel utterly hopeless and alone.

But addicts have the power to change, and that all starts with a spouse asking their partner questions about their addiction and what can be done to solve the problem, according to Dr. Dave Currie of Power to Change. Partners need to feel comfortable asking their spouse important questions that can help them understand and handle their addiction, as well as seek out solutions for the future.

Finding the right questions to ask can be difficult, though. Luckily, Sydney Finkelstein of BBC Capital unveiled three simple questions that can solve any problem. Theyre general enough to apply to any issue someone faces in his or life, but they can also directly relate to spouses helping their partners deal with addiction.

Every step of the way is challenging, from having the courage to change, to creatively developing a new way of doing things, to actually making it happen, he wrote. But these three questions will always be at the heart of any solution.

Spouses should also make sure that their partner knows their own grievances and issues with the possible pornography addiction. It may even require one to talk to a therapist or close friends about the problem, Currie wrote.

This is a private issue that shouldnt be shared with others, but to have a chosen friend, counselor or someone who has faced this with their husband is critical, according to Currie. They can help you work through your feelings and frustrations, validate your emotions, and coach you through the right course of action.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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