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What a moment at the park taught me about judging other moms
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No Caption - photo by Mindy Raye Friedman
I recently had an experience at the park that taught me a valuable mommy lesson. Its made me think a lot about how I react to, respond to and treat other moms (and their children).

I was pushing my 1-year-old in a swing next to another mom, who was doing the same. We were talking a bit and enjoying our time when suddenly a young girl on the play structure nearby starting crying. She was up high and didnt think she could get down by herself. Despite her calls to her mother, no one seemed to be coming to her rescue.

Look at that, the mom next to me said. That little girl needs help, and her mom is nowhere to be seen. How could she leave her kid on the playground like that? What if she falls?

I looked at this other mom and at the little girl. Then I looked around to see where the girls mother was. She was over in an adjacent field with two other children.

I had a choice to make at that point. I could join in with the mom next to me in bashing this other mom, or I could do something about the situation. Do you think I should go help her? I asked. Then the answer seemed obvious to me. Im going to go help her, I said.

So I left my son in the swing, walked 20 feet away and helped the little girl down. Then I went back to my son. The girls mother came back a minute later with her other kids in tow, none the wiser.

Now Im not sharing this story because I want to make myself look good -- what I did was really not that big of a deal. And Id like to think that if I hadnt been there, the other mom would have come to the same conclusion and gone to help the little girl, or the girls mother would have come back before anything bad happened.

I am sharing this story because it was a learning experience for me. I think, as moms, we are often quick to judge the actions of another mom, and sometimes that judgment causes us to lose our common sense. A child was in need, Mom wasnt around, and instead of helping the child, we could have stood there bad-mouthing her mom for leaving her alone on the playground.

The mom whos daughter needed help obviously had her hands full with a couple other kids. She knows her children well and knows her daughter is perfectly capable of playing on the playground by herself. And even though the girl couldnt get down, she wasnt in any real danger. Even if she had fallen, she wasnt that high up. Plus, there were other moms around who would most likely be willing to help.

The mom next to me who made the judgy comment is a first-time mom with one child. Based on our conversation and my observation of her at the park, she is pretty protective of her child. She didnt understand why any mom would leave her toddler on a playground by herself even for a minute. Her comment was based on her knowledge and relationship with her own child because she knew nothing about the other woman.

Neither of the other moms probably remember this experience, but its something thats come back to my mind a few times since it happened. It was a bit of a defining moment for me as a mom. Do I join in on the mommy bashing, or do I make the situation better instead? In this case, I chose the latter. My plan is to continue doing so, though I know I make mistakes, too.

Were all on the same team. What we want is the happiness and welfare of the children around us. Lets give each other the benefit of the doubt. And when a child is in need, pitch in, even if youre tempted to be judgmental.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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