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To the guy who can't commit
He said, I dont know what I want, and Im not ready. This is my response. - photo by Alyssa White
To the guy who cant commit,

When we broke up you said several things that I cant stop thinking about.

First, you said that I could do much better than you and that I deserve more. You said that youre not good enough for me. I hate those words more than youll ever know. Because what you really wanted to say was, Youre not good enough, and I want to see if I can do better.

You said that I need to be more vulnerable; that I need to open up and take risks. However, that is very difficult when you wont make any kind of commitment. I never know how you feel about me, and every time were together I feel like youre judging if our relationship will work out or not. Its hard to be myself when things are so undefined and confusing.

You havent told any of your friends or family about us so how do you expect me to act around them? Of course Im going to be shy and cautious. The truth is youre the one that needs to be more vulnerable. You have my heart, but I dont think I have yours. Honesty and vulnerability can only exist when there is some kind of commitment and trust.

You said you wanted to date someone who was more into music. Okay. I dont buy that. First, if that was so important to you, you wouldve never initiated a relationship with me in the first place. You knew long ago that I dont play the guitar or sing and that Im not very familiar with the music you love.

Second, you just crushed me. Ive spent my whole life trying to become someone awesome. Ive worked and worked to become well-rounded, and yes, Im not musical, but I have so many talents and skills that Ive worked tirelessly to develop. And you just discounted all of that.

I may not be your dream girl, but keep in mind that youre not my dream guy either. You dont have the body of David Beckham, the dance moves of Channing Tatum or the voice of Justin Timberlake. But, I see in you what is most important. I see your heart. I see your goodness and kindness and ambition. I see the way you treat your siblings and the way you spend your free time. Youre not the perfect man I pictured falling in love with, but I did fall in love with you.

Youre right about a lot of things. There is definitely someone out there far more beautiful and talented and musical than I am. But even when you meet her, there will always be someone better.

I hope you never settle. But I also hope you recognize whats most important in the woman of your dreams, and when you find someone with those qualities, dont let her go.

Remember that you can spend a year judging if the relationship will work, or you can spend that time making it work.

I think youre afraid to commit; youre afraid that someone loves you and wants to be with you. Youre simply acting out of fear. Commitment may seem scary, but you have no need to fear youre with someone that sees in you what is most important, and she loves you.

So take the leap of faith.



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