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The simple way parents can help their college student grow
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College today may not be offering students the education parents want for their children. - photo by Herb Scribner
College today may not be offering students the education parents want for their children.

Just last week, Harvard announced a policy change that would limit students who are enrolled in single-sex groups like fraternities, sororities and certain final clubs from holding leadership positions on campus or receiving fellowships and scholarships once they graduate from the school.

Harvard hopes the new policy will bring all students together. Rakesh Khurana, the dean of Harvard, says he wants Harvard to have a more inclusive campus for students, The Daily Beast reported.

The new policy comes after a report found that these single-sex clubs were linked to an increase in sexual assault incidents. Harvard wants to help curb these issues by encouraging more co-ed groups, according to The Harvard Crimson.

Students have certainly voiced their concerns since the policy change came to light. According to The Daily Beast, more than 200 women protested outside the university, saying that all students shouldnt have to suffer and lose out on scholarship opportunities.

But political commentators feel that this means colleges are trying to shape their campuses to fit their idea of what education should be like.

What should trouble readers of all political stripes, however, is that this effort to include by exclusion is not just an issue at private elite universities, the Deseret News opined this week. Increasingly it defines both thought and actions at one of the few places where we expect all viewpoints in our communities to be able to thoughtfully exchange ideas: the public university.

Similarly, New York Times columnist Nicholas Kristof wrote this week that colleges, which often lean liberal, will even neglect job candidates who are conservative.

Universities are the bedrock of progressive values, but the one kind of diversity that universities disregard is ideological and religious. Were fine with people who dont look like us, as long as they think like us, Kristof wrote.

He said many conservatives and religious believers want more conservative and religious values in college to help balance out the high amount of liberal and secular teachings that schools promote.

Limiting students access to all thoughts and beliefs in this way can limit the academic experience, too.

Universities are unlike other institutions in that they absolutely require that people challenge each other so that the truth can emerge from limited, biased, flawed individuals, Jonathan Haidt, a centrist social psychologist at New York University, told Kristof. If they lose intellectual diversity, or if they develop norms of safety that trump challenge, they die.

Indeed, colleges would do well to improve on this issue, as it seems parents want their college-aged student exposed to a number of academic experiences and lessons so that their child comes out of college well-rounded and knowledgeable.

In fact, a recent survey by Noodle, an education website, found that 69 percent of parents on average want their child to attend a college that gives them a first-rate academic experience. This is more important than affordability, career placement and campus happiness.

But this doesnt always happen. The survey found that only 50 percent of parents feel their child got that first-rate academic experience a gap of 19 percentage points.

Still, some students do find themselves challenged in schools, like when a child from a conservative background attends a heavily liberal school.

But when this happens, parents shouldn't try to interfere, according to the Los Angeles Times. Roger H. Martin, former president of Randolph-Macon College, said the challenge students face when learning from different perspectives is all a part of the growing-up process.

"Parents have a natural instinct to help and fix," he said, adding that they have to "set boundaries and allow their kids to get uncomfortable and understand that is a normal and natural part of the transition."

Its also important for parents to realize that their child needs to learn independently to help shape their own beliefs and understanding of the world.

Having this learning experience will only benefit your child in the long run.

"As parents, it is our responsibility to see that our children have a variety of learning experiences. Some will be easy; others will be quite difficult," Jane Rosen-Grandon, a mother, told the San Antonio Current. "Parents can best help their children by simply standing behind them. We can't live their lives for them, but we can watch our children from the sidelines. Most importantly, our children need to know that we are cheering for, and not against them."
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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