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Teens are sexting with a sneaky secret language, and parents have no idea
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Sexting scandals are popping up at schools across the country. The criminal charges can be serious, and most parents are clueless. There is a shorthand for sexting. Every parent should be aware and communicate with their kids about the dangers. - photo by Amy Iverson
Thirty-nine percent of teenagers have sent or posted sexually suggestive messages, according to a survey done by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. Were talking about texts, emails and social media that may or may not include videos and pictures.

The survey also found that 21 percent of teen girls and 18 percent of teen boys have sent or posted nude or semi-nude images of themselves.

Sound unbelievable? Well, a quick check of recent sexting cases pulls up more than you would want to know about.

Last spring, detectives in Indiana caught dozens of middle and high school students with inappropriate pictures of fellow students on their phones. In Connecticut last year, 50 high school kids were sharing explicit videos and photos of other students. Three boys are even suspected of selling access to the images and videos. They are now charged with possessing and distributing child pornography.

Most states havent quite kept up with the times and dont have specific laws dealing with sexting. Only 20 states have passed legislation to differentiate the crime of minors sending nude photos and videos of themselves and other minors, compared to an adult doing the same.

The Cyberbullying Research Center notes that Arizona, Arkansas, Connecticut, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Illinois, Louisiana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Jersey, New York, North Dakota, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Texas, Utah, Vermont, and West Virginia have varying versions of sexting laws (you can see full details here).

That means the majority of states that dont have updated statues often fall back on child pornography laws that could land a teenager in prison for 15 years and require them to be listed on sex offender registries for the rest of their lives.

My fifth-graders middle school just had a presentation about this, pointing out to students just how serious sexting can be. They also made sure the kids realized they can get in big trouble for even looking at such images, let alone taking them, having them on their phones or sending them out to one another.

So its time parents talk with their children about sexting what it is and why its so dangerous. How detailed you get will, of course, depend on the age and maturity of your child, but be open. Its likely that they know more than you think they do.

Sexting is sending sexually suggestive or explicit photos, videos or messages to someone else. Its dangerous for many reasons. First is the criminal implications Ive already mentioned. Second is the correlation the journal Pediatrics found that suggests teens who sext are at an increased risk of becoming sexually active about a year afterward. There is also the danger (and frankly the likelihood) that any image sent to a boyfriend or girlfriend which is how sexting often starts will not stay private.

We all know that nothing is ever truly erased from a phone or the internet. Explain that we can never really know where a photo or video might end up. Remind kids never to text or post anything they wouldnt want posted on a neighborhood billboard.

Parents should be informed. Theres a whole secret language to sexting. Some communication comes in the form of emojis (which Ive written about before and you can read here), and theres also a texting shorthand that comes into play.

The company Bark has a safety app that can give parents warnings when it detects kids are using possibly inappropriate words or content. It has a full list of text slang here, but Ill just list a few:

53X = a way to write the word sex

LH6 = lets have sex

GNOC = get naked on camera

WTTP = want to trade photos?

99 = parents are gone

And finally, one that has apparently been around a while, but I only recently discovered is the phrase sapnu puas. Any guesses? Think back to when you were in fifth grade and would type 58008 into a calculator. Yes, if you turn the phrase sapnu puas upside down, it reads, send nudes.

How can parents possibly be expected to keep up with such sneaky ways some teens are using texting? Im not sure if they can. But moms and dads can be aware that this happens, and then as soon as children have unsupervised access to electronics, have a heart-to-heart. Parents must have serious conversations with kids about the emotional harm, and possible criminal consequences, sexting can have on everyone involved.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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