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Parenting distractions, and what I've learned from the tragedy at the Cincinnati Zoo
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What I do know is that children can be slippery. They can disappear in an instant, even when you are consciously and diligently watching. - photo by Carmen Rasmusen Herbert
Ive had a lot of thoughts about the incident that led to the death of 17-year-old gorilla Harambe at the Cincinnati Zoo recently.

It was, no doubt, a very difficult decision by zoo officials and the Dangerous Animal Response Team as they determined to end the life of an animal that is considered endangered and was so well-loved at the zoo to save the life of the 4-year-old boy who fell into his enclosure.

However, as sad as it must have been to make that choice of human life over animal life, I have to admit I agree wholeheartedly with the decision that was made. Watching the footage of that tiny boy looking up at a 440-pound animal made me physically ill. As awful as it must have been for the zookeepers, I cannot even fathom what was going through that little boy's mothers head as she watched her son being dragged under the water of the moat and at one point flung into the air, landing on his back.

The zoo's Dangerous Animal Response Team considered the situation life-threatening, and while the boy was not under attack, he was certainly at risk of major injuries or worse, Cincinnati Zoo director Thane Maynard said in an article published on cnn.com.

All sorts of things could happen, Maynard said.

The boy did not sustain any life-threatening injuries and will hopefully recover quickly from this traumatic event.

But what about his mother? I have been appalled at the viral attacks and threats targeted at her. She is also currently under investigation, and while I certainly hope she and her family are treated justly and fairly, I hope some mercy is extended to this woman whose attention was elsewhere for just one minute.

What I do know is that children can be slippery. They can disappear in an instant, even when you are consciously and diligently watching.

May I open my heart and share a difficult personal story of why I know this to be true?

A few weeks ago, I was visiting my sister who lives on the third story of an apartment complex. We decided to eat lunch out on the patio of her home and let the children play beside us. My little baby was inside munching on snacks in the high chair while I watched him from a few feet away on the balcony.

When he started to fuss, I got up and told my sister, I am going to get Benson down. Ill be right back.

Turning around, I walked the short distance into the kitchen, and just as I was pulling him out, I looked up to see my 3-year-old standing on top of the balcony railing, peering over the edge.

My heart stopped. I knew that if I screamed, it would startle him and he could slip. So I calmly but urgently yelled, Oh, Briggs! Raquel! My sister looked up from where she was sitting right beneath him! and gently pulled him down. I ran over and hugged him as tightly as I could, telling him to never, never, never climb up that balcony railing or any other ever again. I didnt even know he could climb like that. The railings arent very high to begin with, but never did it cross my mind that he would attempt to scale that wall, or even be able to.

My sister and I looked at each other in solemn relief and fear as what could have happened raced through both our minds. And we were right there within arm's reach. We took all the children inside and shut and locked the glass doors, telling them that from now on no one was allowed to go play on the balcony, even if we were right there.

My story turned out fine and, luckily, so did this mothers at the Cincinnati Zoo. But I know there are many others who havent been able to say the same thing, and these are good, intentional mothers who experience the tragedies of an accident or distraction. Let us all be more observant, more aware, more loving and more forgiving of ourselves, our children and others as we continue doing lifes most important work of raising our beautiful, precious children.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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