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No, screens are not turning our kids into digital zombies
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Recent headlines calling screens 'digital heroin' may have scared any parent of a kid with an iPad. But with some thoughtful guidelines, there is no need to fear the gadgets in our kids' lives. - photo by Amy Iverson
When my twins were about 10 months old, I would let them watch "Teletubbies" once in a while.

Uh, oh!

Now, before you start, I know the American Academy of Pediatrics does not recommend any television for kids under the age of 2. But let me justify my actions by telling you a little about my life at the time: wife of a medical student who was rarely home, president of the Young Women organization in my church congregation, working full-time producing a radio show, zero family members living within 1,200 miles, and, frankly, going a little out of my mind. So forgive me, AAP, if I let my little ones veg out and watch weird puppets with televisions in their tummies once in a while.

Even at my twins young age, I was startled and a little concerned that while the TV was on, I could put food in front of their mouths and talk to them about eating it, and get no response. They wouldnt even blink.

But that didnt stop me from using a screen as a babysitter once in a while.

Fast forward 14 years and my teens can still get in that trance once in a while watching a movie or texting, but they are not digital zombies. These days, food in front of their face is usually enough to break the death stare.

Over the past few months, Ive had friends share some pretty scary headlines on social media, Are We All Turning Into Digital Zombies? one asked. And the most terrifying from the New York Post: Its digital heroin: How screens turn kids into psychotic junkies.

What parent wouldnt want to know about and share this disturbing news? We need to warn humanity.

The problem is that its mostly baloney. The Post story talks about a 6-year-old whose mom let him spend every afternoon playing Minecraft and was then shocked to find he was addicted to it. The article says the mom found her son catatonic one night, with his iPad lying next to him when he should have been sleeping.

Similar things have happened to me. Ive found my son playing with Hot Wheels when he should have been sleeping, and my daughter painting her nails when she should have been sleeping. Shall we label those practices automotive heroin and beautification heroin? No.

And articles like these are meant to scare parents. They are designed to cause parents to panic and grab all electronics in their home, pile them up in the town square and burn them Sleeping Beauty spinning-wheel style.

Stop.

As with most scare tactics, there may be a bit of truth to the fear. But level heads must prevail. Mobile tech is and will forever more be an important part of modern life, and techies of all ages need to figure out the balance. A report by Common Sense Media shows 50 percent of teens admit they feel addicted to their phones. A majority of moms and dads know their kids have a hard time putting down their gadgets, but when 27 percent of parents admit to being addicted themselves, whats a geek to do?

Here are some ideas:

Tech-free zones and times: Maybe the family restriction is at the dinner table, or in bedrooms after 8 p.m., or in the car. But enforce some places and times when gadgets are banned. Write down the rule put it in vinyl lettering on the wall if you must so there is no question, and then stick to it.

Have an open conversation: Parents should discuss with kids why the family needs such restrictions. Michael Rich, the director of the Center on Media and Child Health at Boston Childrens Hospital, tells The Verge that devices are just tools. Parents need to understand that gadgets arent inherently evil. Then they can teach their kids that what they do with them is what determines the outcome.

Parents should follow the rules, too: In that same Common Sense Media report, 56 percent of moms and dads admit to checking their phones while driving. And 41 percent of teens say their parents are distracted by devices when they are together. Whats good for the digital goose is good for the digital gander. Kids can spot a hypocrite a mile away. Theyll be much more willing to go along with the rules if parents follow them too.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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