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Motherhood doesn't kill creativity
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Callie Montelius looks over some of the paintings by Minerva Teichert on display as part of an exhibit titled "Pageants in Paint" at the BYU Museum of Art Wednesday, Sept. 19, 2007. Tiffany Lewis cites Teichert as an example of how being a mother doesn't have to diminish creativity. - photo by Tiffany Gee Lewis
After one of our family home evening and weekly planning sessions, I gave the kids a dramatic reading of my story in progress.

What I lack in writing prowess, I make up for in theatrical delivery. The kids were on the edge of their seats.

Before having kids, I worried about the tug between my creative endeavors and being a mother. After all, my favorite female writers, the Jane Austens and Willa Cathers and Bronte sisters of the world, led famously childless lives. While things have certainly advanced since the Victorian era, there is a still the tug between creativity and mothering. Even as a teenager, I had the habit of flipping to the authors bio of each book I read, just to see how many children she had.

An article in The Atlantic, How Motherhood Affects Creativity, quotes writer Alice Walker as saying that to be a good artist, you can really only have one child. With more than one, youre a sitting duck, Walker said.

Julia Cameron, in her book The Artists Way, goes on to say that most artists have too many children. It distracts them from their work. Its a way of making excuses for not following through on creative pursuits.

And yet, a study of mother rats shows that when given offspring, her brain reprograms itself with a heightened sensory system, according to The Atlantic article. Science shows us that rat moms are inventive, dauntless, resourceful essential ingredients for creativity, writes Erika Hayasaki.

Motherhood may indeed be a blossoming of creativity. A good mother uses creativity at every turn. She must be able to withstand criticism. She must have perseverance, especially when trying to outwit a stubborn toddler. She has to have excellent time-management skills.

Then there are the gifts a child brings. Children open our eyes to the world around us. Just recently, my 8-year-old and I went for a walk. We examined acorns along the sidewalk. We crunched them under the heels of our shoes. We smelled the ground-up bits and wondered if they were edible. We talked about the function of acorns in feeding the neighborhood squirrels.

Children make us slow down and look. They are without filter and reserve. They remind us what creative looks like. I get my best ideas from the things my kids say, from watching their minds spin and whir.

The challenge, of course, isnt the lack of flowing creativity. Its finding the time making the time to create. Creativity doesnt thrive with a packed schedule. It often takes quiet, solitude and white space. It needs air to breathe.

Furthermore, its not always lucrative. As mothers, it can be hard to justify the time put toward a creative work when the hourly rate comes down to pennies.

And yet, the mother creative is often a better mother if given the time to create. The artist Minerva Teichert, while raising a brood of children and managing a dairy, said, I must paint. Its a disease. She kept a large work-in-progress hanging in her parlor, according to an article by Peter Gardner in BYU magazine. She would add brush strokes between chores and after the children had gone to bed, sometimes adjusting the clocks just to get them to sleep earlier.

I read years ago about another mother, an award-winning playwright, who began to write poems while waiting in the pickup line at school. It was the only thing to do once the glove compartment was clean, she said.

Even if you dont own a dairy or a clean glove compartment, a mother creative needs two things to thrive. One, she needs the support of family, a way to make it work so she can have creative headspace. It should involve the understanding that the gains might not be monetary.

Second, mothers need quiet time. Cameron says in The Artists Way" (which I love, despite her statement about having too many kids) that creatives need to take a weekly artist date, just by themselves. It cant be to the grocery store either. It needs to be something nurturing: a walk in nature, a visit to an art gallery or a solo trip to a concert.

This isnt about having it all. Its about exploring all facets of ourselves, not just those that involve diapers and dishwashers.

Of course, having children is not a requirement for a creative life. But those who do have children need not lock their creative ambition in a box, or worry that creativity died with the arrival of motherhood. It may have changed form but that doesnt make the colors any less vibrant.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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