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Living vicariously through your children isnt such a bad thing
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As I watch my children compete in their respective athletic events, I am living vicariously through them. And that's not such a bad thing. - photo by Arianne Brown
Each time I watch my children compete or perform in their respective athletic events, I am doing much more than watching.

When they do flips in the air during tumbling practice, I feel the power of liftoff and of throwing your body frontward and backward. I then feel the weightlessness that comes from spinning and flipping in the air before landing and gripping the ground tightly with your feet under slightly bent knees.

When my 11-year-old is racing those last 200 meters of the mile, I am feeling the heat of the track on the balls of my feet, the burn in my chest, heaviness in my head and weakness in my arms while giving it all to the finish. Or, when he stands on the basketball court in defensive stance, my mind anticipates the next move of the player with the ball before swiping it away for a breakaway layup that warrants cheers from the sidelines and high-fives from teammates.

Then, when I see my boys play soccer, a complete sense of anxiety takes over because soccer is not my thing and I failed miserably at it. Even so, with each carefully crafted play for the ball, connected pass and goal made, I feel the joy it comes from working hard and that hard work paying off.

With each game, competition and training session, my inner child is experiencing it vicariously through my own children, and it brings me so much joy and hope for the future.

As a child, I had dreams of being the next Olympic gymnast, WNBA basketball player and professional track athlete. I worked hard to hone my crafts and eventually earned a scholarship as a track athlete at a Division 1 school.

And thats where my story ended.

After years of school, a little bit of burnout and filled with the desire to be a mother, my goals shifted and the trajectory of life changed. And just like every athlete with unrealized dreams, there have been times of "what if," but mostly Im not only content but completely happy with the direction I chose.

Now I get to watch my children create their own path to success and experience that success vicariously through them which isnt such a bad thing.

Because living vicariously doesnt mean that I will experience my dreams through them. And it most definitely doesnt mean that I will be disappointed if their stories end sooner than they had hoped.

As I live vicariously through my children, it helps me to empathize with their feelings of success and even failure. I can help them navigate this hard world of competitive athletics as far as they want to go.

And when it does come to an end, I hope to stand on the sidelines as they watch their own children perform in their respective events, knowing full-well they are doing much more than watching.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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