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Linking the generations with Grandparents Day
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In this recent picture two grandchildren are missing along with the three new grandsons-in-law, but Sherry and Grit Young still have plenty of grandchildren to surround them. There is even their first great-grandchild. Being a grandparent is a privilege if we are willing to give the time. - photo by Sherry Young
The calendar I am using this year printed Grandparents Day on Sept. 13. Unaware, I did some research, and sure enough, it is official and has been celebrated on the Sunday after Labor Day every year since 1978.

Announcing this, I am not trying to get any recognition. My grandparenting has been fun and easy compared to many. The grandparents who raise their own grandchildren are the heroes of this day.

A group called Generations United, online at grandparentsday.org, is hoping people will do something grand and urges grandparents and older adults to share their wisdom, perspectives and key civic values with young people on Grandparents Day.

It seems not a ploy to get cards and flowers, but instead an effort to help the generations love and understand each other.

Back when I was surrounded by cookie crumbs and diapers, I would dream of more freedom and wonder if, when my five children were securely launched in life, I would have extra time to do the many things I was not finding time for then. Now that they are gone from our home, I do have that freedom because I was released from the day-to-day problems and a whole lot of laundry, cooking and driving.

However, still wanting to have a continuous relationship with my children, I have realized they will take parts of my time forever if that is what I choose. Now that theyve married and have children of their own, these grandchildren absorb their share of my time both emotionally and physically.

A grandparent is very important not only to link the generations together but also for the point of view they can bring to their grandchildren. Most grandparents accept children for who they are, not for what they wish they could be. Grandparents can make a grandchild feel very special.

Grandparenting is double love. You love your child and then, in turn, you love their children. When good things come about in their lives, our lives are doubly fine. When bad things happen, the old adage that we are only as happy as our saddest child comes into play, which can be very hard on our hearts.

It takes patience and practice to be a good grandparent, and it also requires digging back into our memory bank to remember how to deal with the young ones. I especially enjoy doing puzzles with them and playing board games, because there is talking and interaction, or getting their wiggles out by walking or hiking.

Teenagers live in such a different environment from when a grandparent grew up that it takes keeping up with new ideas and finding common ground with them. I once read all the Harry Potter books so I could talk about them with some of our grandchildren.

On the website helpguide.org, I found some wise advice I wish I had read long ago in an article titled "How to Be a Better Grandparent." They suggest four pitfalls to avoid:

1. Dont give unsolicited advice on how to raise their children.

2. Avoid buying your grandkids affection.

3. Be careful what you start out doing and giving your grandchildren because a wise grandparent should then do it for all the ones who follow them to avoid resentment.

4. Do not ignore their parents' boundaries.

Another good suggestion was to make clear what role you want to have in your grandchilds life and to talk with your children about their rules. It really comes down to maintaining good communication.

So what is the best thing about being a grandparent? Unless you are the caretaker, it is having a choice.

For me, unlike their parents, when it gets to be too much or the trip is over, I can hand the children to them, knowing they will take good care, and find a quiet place or fly away home.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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