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It's official: I'm a minivan mom
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Erin Stewart has joined the ranks of minivan drivers and says she is pretty proud of the precious cargo inside. - photo by Erin Stewart
I sold my soul for sliding doors.

The conversation to buy a new car was long and grueling and involved several discussions that ended with me exclaiming, A piece of me will die in a minivan. Is that really worth the extra cargo space?

Lets just say I was having trouble getting on the minivan swagger wagon.

If you would have told me 10 years ago I would be in my mid-30s with three kids living in a Utah suburb driving a minivan, I would have laughed. Or punched you in the throat. Either way, I would have said the one magic word that we all say when we are young and nave and could never imagine a world where we could ever possibly need eight seats and limitless cup holders: NEVER.

I was never going to live in Utah. I was never going to drive a minivan. I would not be a suburban soccer mom.

Not me. Never. No way. Not. Gonna. Happen.

It happened.

I am now the reluctant owner of a minivan, and as we drove off the dealer lot this week, I couldnt help asking myself, How did I get here?

Thats the problem with never: You never know where the twists and turns of life are going to take you.

My path to suburban soccer mom status was anything but direct. I wanted children and hoped to have a big family (but again, NOT a minivan ever!). But after my first daughter was born, I went into pregnancy-related heart failure and was told I would never have more children. I gave away my maternity clothes and mourned the children Id never have.

But when we moved to the East Coast, a doctor at Johns Hopkins helped me have my second daughter. Then, he too, said no more. I listened this time and turned to adoption.

We waited six years. Six long years of praying and wondering if my dream of more children was a fantasy. Another cross-country move brought us to Utah, and thats where our baby found us. We adopted our missing piece this summer.

Every step of the way, life didnt turn out the way I thought it would or should. Reality altered my best-laid plans and changed my dreams, helping me realize that getting my children here is all that mattered. And just like that, the thought of being a mom driving a minivan in Utah suburbia sounded like a blessing rather than a curse.

And even though I may look like every other minivan momma in the kiss-and-ride line, my path to get here was anything but clich. My story is like every mothers story: unique and heartbreaking and filled with twists and turns that land us exactly where we need to be.

All the woulds and shoulds and nevers we invent for ourselves fall to the curb and all thats left is the life we actually lead. And its that story that makes us unique, not the cars we drive.

So as I sit in the drivers seat of my new minivan, I ask myself again, How did I get here?

The answer is clear: I got here because Ive never really been in the drivers seat at all.

Because now when I look into the backseats, heres what I see: A book covering the face of a 9-year-old whose birth I should not have survived, the smile of a 6-year-old that doctors told me I should never have and a newborn baby born to another mother who somehow found his way to our family.

So while I may not be bursting with pride over my new ride, I am pretty proud of the blessings that fill my rearview mirror. When I look at them, I cant help but be perfectly happy in the minivan I swore Id never own and eternally grateful that life doesnt turn out the way I think it should.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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