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It's not simply things, but caring and thoughtfulness that count in life
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Sam Serrano received a card from Sherry Young with a signed picture of one of his favorite players, her son Steve, for his 89th birthday. - photo by Sherry Young
More than 10 years ago, I got a reverse fan letter. I call it that because Sandi Backlund wrote a letter to me and sent it to our son Steve Young, a former NFL player, via a station on which she heard him interviewed. The letter eventually made its way to a very delighted me, who doesnt get much input from readers via snail mail.

Sandi commented on how much she related to a story Steve told of when I went on the field and told a kid not to neck tackle an embarrassing moment in my motherhood history. She related to it because of her concerns while watching her son play rugby. Two of her sons friends were stationed on either side of her to keep her from going on the field (and) doing something similar.

After she contacted me, I began sending my articles to her. She's a good-living Catholic woman from Doylestown, Pennsylvania, and, over the years, she would send back announcements of her activities or her childrens weddings and bits of information. Weve never met face to face, but we are friends.

Less than a year ago, her father came to live with her and she sent emails updating how things were working. Recently she sent out this email, My dad turns 89 on February 18th. There really isnt anything he needs but there is something he likes to do go to the mailbox every day. So I am asking my friends/family to give my dad a birthday card blitz starting February 1st. it would mean so much.

I picked a card, and just before sealing the envelope I thought, Why not stick in one of the football cards Steve signed? I pasted the football card on the left side, then drawing a big word bubble, I put, Hey Sam Serrano, hope your day is happy.

A couple of weeks had gone by when an email appeared from Sandi with a picture of her dad wearing a vintage San Francisco 49ers jacket. I honestly didnt remember him being a fan.

She wrote, Thank you so much for the birthday card, your sentiments and the signed card from Steve. My dad has had this jacket since 1984. What is eerie my dad has been wearing this jacket every day this week and hadnt worn it for about two years.

Sam had gone to the mail one morning expecting nothing, and there was a birthday card from one of his long time favorite players mom with a signed football card inside. He was over the moon. It made my day as well.

The experience reminded me of how little we really need in life to make us happy, especially as we age. We collect fame, fortune and possessions, but its caring and thoughtfulness that count, like a signed football card.

In author Kate Mortons recent book, The Lake House, the protagonist, Alice, ponders a conversation with Ben, the itinerant gardener.

But Ben was different, and he made her see things differently. He had no desire to possess things or to accumulate wealth," Alice thinks as she ponders. "His parents had worked on archaeological digs in the Far East when he was a boy and hed realized then that the possessions people coveted in the fleeting present were destined to disappear; if not to turn to dirt, then to lie buried beneath it, awaiting the curiosity of future generations.

Ben had told her: "All that matters to me are people and experience. Connection thats the thing. That flicker of electricity between people, the invisible tie.

Today with Facebook, FaceTime, email and texting, there are easy ways to keep in touch with others. Press a button on a cellphone, click a mouse and were connected, renewing ties that bind.

Because, as my friend Lindsay Starr Hendrickson and her husband, Blaine, put on their yearly valentine card, Love makes our world go round and round and round and round
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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