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Im engaged, but I still love my exes
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6 reasons I think about them from time to time. - photo by Jenna Koford
Im engaged to a wonderful, loving man, and it wasnt an easy journey to get to where we are today. I sat through a lot of first-date interviews, awkward breakups, and a roller coaster of heartache. I met and dated men who changed and challenged me. And I still love them.

But I dont love them in the way that you think. I dont love my exes in any romantic sense, and I really dont talk to any of them anymore, but I love what theyve given me.

I love what they taught me, what they shared with me, and who they were. I love the memories I have and the person Ive become, in part because of them. With each ending relationship, I took part of my ex with me, or the lesson I learned from him.

There are six ways my exes changed me for the better and helped me love someone so fully now:

1. They taught me what I like

Clearly I liked something about them when I met each person who came into my life. Some were carefree and loved being the comedian, while others were well-rounded and kind. I learned what qualities I liked in the different people I dated.

For example, one ex had a great sense of fun and childlike passion for life. Another was smart and well prepared for his career. I appreciated certain qualities in them, and I knew what I really wanted after each relationship ended.

2. They taught me what I dont like

On the other side, my exes definitely helped me learn the things I dont fully love in someone. I wont use this part to talk negatively about people, but it didnt take long to learn what qualities I liked. Theres a difference between dealing with someones personality and behaviors and truly loving them.

3. They made me speak my mind

When I first started dating, I was not myself. I didnt speak my mind, and I politely agreed with what my boyfriend would say. I was even afraid to say what wedding colors I likedI was afraid he wouldnt like the same ones. So I stayed silent.

Going on dates and having relationships helped me become the most me I could ever be. Maybe it was because I answered so many of the same first- and second-date questions, but I became confident in whom I really was.

4. They humbled me

Ive never thought I was the most beautiful, charming, or hilarious person out there, and Ive had lots of dates who never called or text again. But I had always been the person to end a relationship. So when someone broke up with me for the first time, I was sad and humbled at the same time. I was humbled as I learned that I had many flaws, and that I still do.

No one is perfect, but we all have some potential. When you find the person who has the best potential in your eyes, keep them.

5. They made me learn how to make choices

Of course I made the choice to date them, but my exes helped me make even more choices in our relationship.

Many people have this thought while dating: Were either going to get married or break up. So many people look to the end of the relationship and try to predict where its going, and Im one of them. But I love that my exes pushed me to make decisions, especially decisions about the relationship.

I had nervous conversations and frustrated phone calls, plus many nights of tears, but I always had that gut feeling to move on. It has helped both me and my exes find who we were really meant to be with.

6. They pushed me

The people I dated didnt push me physically or even emotionally, but they all pushed me toward the man I was meant to be with. Maybe you dont believe in soulmates, but your past relationships and trials may be pushing you to the places youre supposed to be.

Because of my exes, I learned what I liked and didnt like. I spoke up and grew into who I am today. And because of the choices I made, I was pushed to the person who will give me the best possible kind of life I could have ever hoped for. I love my exes for what Ive learned from them, and I love my fiance a whole lot more.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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