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How to enjoy being a mom
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There is something about mothering with joy that goes beyond being happy to being deeply fulfilled. Even if the days arent necessarily happy, it is possible to maintain joy. - photo by Lyndsi Frandsen
About a month ago, I was talking to a dear friend who is a mother to a brand new baby girl, and a very (ahem) rambunctious 3-year-old boy. She was telling me about the kind of days that are quickly becoming her new normal. She described days filled with constant diaper changing and potty training. (I wont get into the sleep deprivation that fills her nights.)

Im not going to lie I was exhausted just listening to her. Through her yawns, she rattled off stories that sounded downright awful. When I asked how she was doing (those baby blues are real, people), she said, I am tired and cant tell you the last time I took a shower, but being their mom brings me so much joy. That sincere response was somewhat of an awakening for me and quickly became a worthy mothering goal.

I dont think scrubbing potty training remnants from the floor or waking up four times a night make her happy yet she is joyful. Ive started to view joy as a bigger picture emotion. There is something about mothering with joy that goes beyond being happy to being deeply fulfilled. I have come to the conclusion that, even if the days arent necessarily happy, it is possible to maintain joy.

Dont have a good day, make a good day

I dont know about you, but at our house its easy to fall into the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse marathon trap and, before I know it, the day feels like a complete waste. As a mother, I dont find it helpful to simply sit around waiting for my days to be good. We can create our own joy and fulfillment by simply planning one little extra each day. Whether it is making binoculars from old toilet paper rolls, or simply going on a leaf hunt in the backyard, the joyful moments are the memory makers, and the memory makers are the moments that are just a bit different.

Stay ahead, not behind

My least favorite mornings are the ones when I am unprepared. As a working mom, packing the diaper bag the night before always feels like a little burden has been lifted the next morning. When I was at home all day with my kids, knowing I had made that extra bottle the night before was a tiny relief the next morning. I will never be the mom who can plan out a month of dinners (I think that requires a super power that, sadly, I was not blessed with), but I worry less when I can confidently say I have everything needed to make dinner tomorrow night (even if its just grilled cheese).

Put on your kid glasses

I was deeply touched while browsing Instagram the other night. A friend of mine had posted a picture of her darling little boy. The caption referenced her day, which felt like it only consisted of yelling and shortcomings. She vowed to do better tomorrow, but was disappointed thinking about how her child must have felt that day.

But at the end of the night, when she sat down to look at his new preschool pictures, all she saw was happy. It was a positive reminder to her that despite those days (and we all have them), she was raising a happy, healthy little boy who has a love for life and sees her for the mother she is constantly striving to be. It is true that we are our own worst critics and, often, if we can try to see ourselves through our childrens eyes, wed realize we are doing a pretty darn good job.

Celebrate small victories

Instead of lying in bed, going through the mental checklist of everything you didnt accomplish today, pat yourself on the back for the tiny accomplishments. Never mind the 10 loads of laundry to fold that await you tomorrow at least they are clean. Your child threw a 15-minute tantrum tonight before bed? Thank goodness it wasnt 20 minutes like the night before. Our mom to-do list will always run on, and never be finished. So, stop beating yourself up and find joy in all that you did accomplish today.

Seek joy

Just a few days ago, a friend posted an uplifting quote on social media. She mentioned how she likes to begin her mornings by taking just a few minutes to read a positive quote or article. It was an idea that seemed right in line with my goal to mother with joy, so I adopted it as my own. On those days when you feel like all the joy has been sucked out, seek that joy through others positivity. Sometimes we need a pep talk from another mom. Other times, a simple, happy quote can spark your desire to feel joyful, despite feeling defeated. Regardless of the source, its OK to find hope through others' bright spots. After all, there will certainly come a time when another fellow mom may need to borrow a bit of sparkle from you.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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