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How to deal with that person you just can't stand
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Some people are just toxic. Here's what to do about it. - photo by Melinda Fox
We've all been there. There's that co-worker who won't stop whining about how terrible his perfect life is or that person in your church congregation who seems to have it out for you. Some people just get under your skin and it's too much to handle. Here are some helpful steps you can take to overcome your aversion to this person, and maybe even develop love for them. Warning: These aren't going to be easy to do (or hear for that matter).

See the challenge as an opportunity

If we weren't faced with people who are hard to love, it would be hard to ever learn to really love. We tend to love people because of what they do for us. Maybe they make us feel good about ourselves or they give us good advice; but real love is about loving people who have nothing to give you. When you can love someone from whom you gain nothing, you are gaining the ability to truly love.

Get over yourself

Religious leader Cheryl Esplin used the differences between mirrors and windows to explain how we interact with people. If you were to put a mirror between yourself and the person you are talking to, your conversation wouldn't be productive. However, by placing a window between you, you are able to focus on that person better. Oftentimes, although we are talking to someone else, we are so focused on our own feelings and insecurities that we are unable to have a worthwhile conversation with the other person.

Actually see them

I don't believe that any soul we interact with on a daily basis is absolutely rotten. This isn't to say they don't have behaviors that are inappropriate or unkind; but I am confident that each soul has goodness in it. Sometimes you don't know them well enough to see their good qualities, and sometimes you don't know them well enough to understand what causes them to act in a certain way. But if we truly knew every person, we would see them as someone to be loved.

Use your talents and skills

You may not love this person, but you may love longboarding. Go out for a spin on the boards with them. Doing something that makes you happy can make you happy to be with them. Furthermore, your talents and skills may provide a great opportunity to teach this person something they want to learn. Believe it or not, teaching something to someone else fosters love for that person.

Serve them

Benjamin Franklin said, "He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have obliged." This idea that someone who does you a favor is more likely to do you another is referred to by psychologists as the "Benjamin Franklin Effect." The idea is that people feel more favorably toward people they serve. While many people use this tactic to become more likable themselves, you can use it in reverse to improve your feelings toward that person that drives you up a wall. By serving them, you will feel more love for them.

Ask for help

Sometimes we are unable to overcome our struggles with a person we can't stand on our own. It's a great idea to recruit some help. Genuinely ask people you are close to to help you stop gossiping about the things this person does, or ask someone who knows them to tell you what that person's good qualities are. Furthermore, it's always a good idea to ask for God's help. He knows this person and loves them. He will teach you to love them too if you ask for His help.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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