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Grandma says Thanksgiving is a good time to reflect on gratitude
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A fresh coat of snow blankets Salt Lake City and the Oquirrh Mountains, in the background, on Friday, Feb. 24, 2017. - photo by Amy Choate-Nielsen
My grandmother Fleeta was a cheery person.

Thats what Im told, anyway.

She had a can-do attitude. She laughed when she could have cried. She raised her children with a mixture of gentle acceptance and high expectations.

She lived through the loss of her mother, then her brother, then the Great Depression, then the loss of several pregnancies and her dreams to have a house full of children, then cancer, the loss of parts of her body cut away to stave off the disease, then the loss of her husband and through it all, she was the type of woman who had the grit to carry on, to kick it on through, as was her motto.

She was the type of woman who loved the Christian hymn, Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel. She was the type who would say a hearty, Happy Thanksgiving, even though the dark clouds may be gathering, I imagine.

I wish I knew for sure.

But even though I dont, even though she died before I was born, I think about the stories Ive been told about her, and I feel a bit of that grit inside of me. I think about the struggles of my life, and I think, if Fleeta could laugh when she should have cried, I can too.

I may not like the sun setting at 5 p.m., I may still have a mouse loose in my house, and booby traps of all kinds lining my floors to catch the vermin, and I may feel sorry for myself that Im not going on a vacation to Hawaii this week but, I am grateful.

I am going to have a Happy Thanksgiving. And Im going to start by making a list of the things Im thankful for, to sweep away the things Im not.

No. 1: I am grateful for the way the sky looks after a storm. I love the way the air clears, and the mountains glow, and the lake glitters in the sun. It never glitters that way unless a storm has charged through with all of its tumult and aggression. All day the sky could be dripping and sad, but then, nothing compares to the feeling I have when I see the sun break through.

No. 2: I am grateful for people who care about their fellow humans. Im grateful for the people in the world who show up at search and rescue parties, who organize donation efforts for refugees, who volunteer in soup kitchens and elementary schools. Im grateful for the people in the world who dont discriminate against people based on their color, gender, sexual preference or religion. Im grateful for the guys who jumped out of the city dump truck yesterday to push a dead car across traffic, even though they didnt know who they were helping and they could have been hurt.

No. 3: I am grateful for the wild places on this Earth. I am grateful for the natural beauty in this state that surrounds me, for mountainscapes that some might travel around the globe to see, available in my backyard. Im grateful for the chance to escape into a world of red rocks and granite towers that remind me of my fragility, of my place in this ecosystem, and my awe of the forces that shaped it. I am grateful that I can go to a place where ancient people left markings of their lives, where I have no cell phone service, where I can scan the entirety of a horizon and see no evidence of a modern worlds pollution, corruption and greed. I am grateful that, in nature, I can feel more of the goodness in humanity. I am grateful some of those areas are claimed for that purpose, protected to remain in the same condition as only the forces of nature can decide.

No. 4: I am grateful for a body that sees, and breathes, and moves. Not all of us live in a world where we feel no pain. All of us live in a world where we have limitations. Sometimes, my world is colored by a constant hue of self-judgment. I am often looking at the ways my body could be better. I could be faster, stronger, skinnier and more flexible. Id like to do a handstand, and I still cant. Id like to hold my breath and swim under water for as long as I choose. Id like to feel like a gazelle when I run, and I dont. But in this moment, I am grateful for a body that can sleep, eat, and move.

No. 5: I am grateful for my family. They make the sunrises brighter, the rainbows more magical, and the dinner table the most satisfying place on earth. They are my storm clouds, my glittering lake after the rain, my caring humans, the people I most want to be with in the wild, and the reason this body gets up in the morning.

Some days are dark, some days are lonely, and every day is hard but like Fleeta said, every day is a day to kick it on through. Especially Thanksgiving.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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