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Grandfathers secrets help guide 3 cousins
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I (Richard) knew the things I wanted to teach my grandchildren the legacies of insight that I wanted to leave them but I didnt know how to get them interested or keep them interested. - photo by Linda and Richard Eyre
Linda has had some wonderful experiences with our grandchildren at what she calls Gramie Camp, and she is such a conscientious grandmother that I (Richard) felt shamed a few years ago into coming up with some kind of grandfathering idea that would allow me to try to be a guiding influence in their lives.

The key to success, I knew, was to come up with something relevant and identifiable and to connect it to some kind of mystery and some kind of reward.

I knew the things I wanted to teach them the legacies of insight that I wanted to leave them but I didnt know how to get them interested or keep them interested.

I didnt think they would be too excited about Grandfathers advice or Grandpas principles, but it occurred to me that they might go for Grandfathers secrets.

So I told our three oldest grandkids, ages 11, 10 and 8 at the time, that there were four secrets I had learned that I wished I had known when I was their age. The word secret got to them a little, but I needed more more intrigue and more motivation.

So I found some rare South American stones at a rockhound place polished rocks that I knew were different from anything they had seen and I named them the Bear Lake Rocks in honor of the place where the three of them are always together at our family reunions.

I told them that if they could memorize the four secrets I was about to tell them, and if they could give at least one example of how the secret might play out in a real-life situation, then I would give each of them one of the Bear Lake Rocks so that rubbing their soft, polished surfaces would remind them of the secrets they had memorized.

The word secrets and the intrigue of the Bear Lake Rocks seemed to work its magic, and they begged to know the secrets. We went on a little hike together, just me and the three oldest grandkids, for the specific purpose of finding a nice secluded spot in the mountains where I would unveil the secrets.

The four initial secrets were:

1. Most kids are waiting for someone to lead them, but they just dont know it yet.

2. Good popularity comes from being nice to everyone, and it lasts. Bad popularity comes from only being nice to certain people, and it doesnt.

3. Joy is the purpose of life and a choice you make.

4. Blood is thicker than water, and cousins are more important than friends. We will stay close to each other and set a good example for each other and be there for each other.

They memorized them more quickly than I could have imagined, and the discussion that followed was priceless.

In the open, unguarded words of preadolescents, they talked about the first secret about followers and leaders and about how hard it is to go against the crowd.

On the second secret, they thought of examples among their friends of exclusive little cliques and bad popularity.

On the third secret, they had comments about how you could decide to be happy even when you were having a bad day.

And on secret No. 4, they talked about how much they liked each other and how glad they were that their parents were siblings and that they would always be cousins.

When that initial hike-and-talk was over, they proudly took possession of their special, polished rocks and promised to stay in touch by Facetime and texts from their respective homes in Utah, Arizona and Southern California. Before long, they each had some real-life examples to share about each of the secrets.

Since then, we have added to the list of secrets. There are now eight of them the list grows by one or two each summer and they are, to a degree at least, becoming self-fulfilling prophecies and are being passed on to younger cousins with the older ones acting as their tutors.

Its not a panacea, but it has helped on numerous levels, including with my relationship and relevance to each of these beloved grandchildren.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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