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Frustration to euphoria side effects of parenthood
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The side effects of prescription drugs can appear similar to the side effects of raising children. - photo by Linda and Richard Eyre
Have you noticed that within a few minutes of turning on the TV, day or night, we are bombarded with advertisements for prescription drugs? While we are grateful that doctors and scientists have given up big portions of their lives to help us feel better, the list of potential side effects can be staggering.

But to parents, some of those side effects sound strangely familiar. The more we listen, the more it seems that many of them are also apt descriptions of the side effects of parenting. I (Linda) went to the website of just two of the prescriptions that I was aware of and calculated. Some of the side effects from those prescription meds match pretty well with the possible side effects of those sometimes wild, weary and worrisome days of raising children.

The lists included more than two dozen effects, such as headaches, trouble sleeping, back pain, heartburn, anxiety, confusion and indigestion.

The last few side effects are some of the most interesting of all: quick to overreact emotionally, voice changes, irritability and, best of all, euphoria.

Lets talk about that last one for a minute. It seems that just when you are the most exasperated, especially with little children, they come back with something that makes you feel almost euphoric like maybe youve taught them something after all.

We remember our daughter telling us a story about her oldest son when he was about 5 years old. He was dawdling over his lunch, as always, and she was frustrated, trying to get him to finish his peanut butter and jelly sandwich so she could clean up the lunch.

She said, Ashton, here is a chocolate chip cookie, which you can have after you finish your sandwich. If you dont hurry, Im going to be tempted to eat it myself. Several minutes later, with Ashton still dawdling, she got a little more impatient and said, Ashton, Im am so tempted to eat your chocolate chip cookie! Undaunted, he replied, You wont eat my cookie, Mom. Just believe in yourself!

Anxiety, irritability, euphoria. We get them all with kids.

Of course, there are problems that are a lot bigger than peanut butter sandwiches and that also produce those side effects listed, including potty training, screaming, bullies, violin lessons and teenagers with minds of their own.

And contrary to what some believe, the problems dont end when children fly away from the nest. When people ask us how our children, who have now all left home, are doing, we always reply, They are all just great except the ones who are in crisis this week!

Those side effects of parenthood hold true when grown children are struggling with homesickness at college, finding the right person to marry, getting a job, losing a job, miscarriages, troubled children of their own and complicated health issues.

But even then there are also periods of euphoria when they do get a job, even if its not what they had in mind. There is euphoria when they say they have found the perfect person to marry and dont want a big reception or they are going to have twins (which, in our case, meant euphoria and, in the parents case, meant a lot of unplanned side effects since their other children were almost 5, 3 and not quite 2).

Those euphoric moments make all the other side effects worth it.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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