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From bossy to bratty, does birth order determine what type of person you are?
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No Caption - photo by Wendy Jessen
Wendy Jessen
FamilyShare
Published: Sep 7, 2015, 1:09 PM
We've all heard that birth order determines our personality traits and behaviors. Maybe you've relished in the descriptions that you see as the "best" or used the flaws for a certain birth order as an excuse to behave a certain way.

According to parents.com, the firstborn children are typically more reliable, conscientious, organized, cautious, controlling and achievers. Middle children tend to be people-pleasers, lean toward the rebellious side, need friendshipslots of themand are peacemakers. And the youngest child, the baby of the family, is usually more fun-loving, carefree, manipulative, selfish, outgoing and an attention-seeker.

Though these stereotypes may hold true in some instances, a study of 377,000 high school students found that "the differences between firstborns and later borns are so small that they have no practical relevance to peoples lives."

One reason it may seem like birth order makes a difference is that we always end up comparing our children to each othereven though we're told never to do that, right? Obviously, if you have three kids, your oldest child is going to be more responsible and bossy, while the youngest is more demanding (selfish) and perhaps has become a goofball to gain more attention. However, it may have less to do with the order they are born and more to do with the fact your firstborn is, well, older than your youngest making it seem like they are falling into birth order roles.

While there are likely some differences and personality traits that show up among your children, the effect of birth order is miniscule. Professor of psychology, Rodica Damian stated, "The message of this study is that birth order probably should not influence your parenting, because its not meaningfully related to your kids personality or IQ."

What should parents do to nurture their children regardless of birth order?

  • Pay attention to your children's unique personalities, and help them discover who they are as individuals.
  • Help your children know their strengths and to use those areas to improve their weaknesses.
  • Avoid comparing the strengths of one child to the weaknesses of another. This will not only create sibling rivalry but can also damage the child's outlook on themselves and their future.
  • Love each child as an individual and no matter what.
  • Praise often and use constructive criticism when necessary. Do not ever use put-downs or name calling as a way to change undesired behaviors.
  • Do not allow yourself or your child to use their birth order as a cop out for flaws.
  • Encourage individuality as well as positive traits and behaviors.
Birth order is not predestination. Though some birth order indicative traits may seem to emerge, it is more likely that age-appropriate traits and behaviors are more dominant at various stages in life. Each child is unique and can be a leader and a peacemaker regardless of being an oldest, middle or youngest child. The best thing we can do as parents is raise our children in a loving environment conducive to allowing our children's individual personalities to bloom. Leave the stereotypes out of the picture, and let your child develop who they are.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Amy Iverson
Deseret News
Published: May 16, 2018, 1:59 PM
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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