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Destroy your marriage word for word
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Our words have great power, either elevating our relationship or destroying it completely. Do you know what your words are doing? - photo by Denhi Chaney
Many think that screaming is the way to destroy your marriage, but we can also do serious damage by whispering.

Its not just the words we use, but how we use them. In that sense, our mouths hold the greatest control in a marriage; we can build up or tear down great walls of trust and affection depending on what we say and how its said. Controlling our emotions and our words may be the difference between divorce and a happy life together.

But, even when we think we are controlling our words, we dont always realize what we are sayingor how we are saying it.

This article will hopefully help you notice how few words it takes to hurt your partner, even if you dont even raise your voices.

Destructive criticism

No one is perfect, but you can still criticize in a respectful way. Does your tone make it sound like you are attacking your spouses qualities or personality? A discussion about possible improvements is not the same as an attacking complaint. For example, saying, "When you did not call me, I was worried because you said you would call," is very different from saying, "Of course you didnt call, you never think of anyone but yourself. Your words and tone can make all the difference.

Contempt

Destructive criticism is hurtful, but contempt is even worse. Contempt is best friends with sarcasm, and is extremely insulting. Neither are ways you should ever speak to your spouse. Contempts only aim is to make your partner feel totally defeated, worthless, and despised. Words such as: "You're pathetic, you say you're tired when I have been with the children all day," or "Could you be more melodramatic? What kind of man are you?" are mocking and incredibly hurtful. You dont have to shout to deeply injure someone when speaking with contempt.

Being defensive

We all get defensive when we feel that our partner is attacking us. However, the most destructive defense is playing the blame game. This form of "defensiveness" is dangerous because it leads to criticism and contempt. A marriage is a partnership; share the blame.

Blocking Communication

While all other ways to destroy your marriage include words, this is the one action that is completely silent but equally as destructive. Blocking communication involves keeping quiet, ignoring your partner, or pretending to do something rather than talking things out. This behavior is intentional, and can deeply hurt your partner and your relationship. Words can be harmful, but so can silence.

It is not enough to think only about the words we say, because the way we say them also makes an enormous difference. What we say with our mouths is just as important as what is said with our bodies. Pay close attention to what you are saying to make sure your communication style is building (not destroying) your relationship.

This is an adaptation and translation of the original article, Destruye tu matrimonio palabra por palabra. It has been republished here with permission.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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