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Couples who think about divorce can end up having a marriage that thrives, study shows
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A new study has found that most couples who think about divorce will see their relationship thrive later on. - photo by Herb Scribner
Every now and again thoughts of divorce could creep up in your marriage.

But dont worry too much about them those kind of thoughts can help your marriage thrive.

New research out of Brigham Young University has found that more than half of Americans think about divorce, with about 1 in 4 contemplating divorce in the last six months.

And thats not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it could change your relationship for the better, the study said.

"Thoughts about divorce can be a healthy wake-up call to work on a marriage," Alan Hawkins, a professor of family life at Brigham Young University, said about the study, which interviewed 3,000 married couples. "According to our research, most people's thoughts about divorce are more soft than serious, and can help spur needed actions."

Most of the survey respondents who thought seriously about divorce also wanted to stay with their partner and make things work. And those couples who thought about divorce who stayed together were not just survivors, but thrivers, with those relationships seeing an increase in satisfaction after thoughts of divorce, the study said.

Thoughts on divorce are common for all married couples, the study said. And theyre perfectly healthy for an ongoing marriage that wants to succeed.

Yes, sometimes those thoughts are frequent and stem from serious, even dangerous, problems, so thoughts about divorce appropriately take people in that direction, the researchers wrote in the study. But usually thoughts about divorce are just that thoughts, not concrete actions, decisions, or even deep doubts.

Just 1 percent of those who thought about divorce werent happy to stay with their partner, and 5 percent said they were completely finished with their marriage, the study said.

Those doubts aren't surprising, especially if they come up during winter months like January, which is known to be a popular time for divorces. January is often the month of divorce it even has the nickname Divorce Month because people are looking for a fresh start in the new year, CNN reported.

As FindLaw.com data show, divorce filings from 2008 to 2011 spiked around March, CNN reported.

Despite these spikes, Susan Pease Gadoua, an author on divorce and licensed therapist, told CNN there isnt really a good time for divorce. Other experts told CNN January is really just a month when couples start thinking of their options and ways to save a marriage, CNN reported.

But just because married partners have those thoughts doesnt mean couples are often serious about divorcing. As Winifred M. Reilly, a licensed marriage and family therapist, wrote for The Huffington Post, couples who think about divorce are often confused with wanting a divorce and wanting changes to their marriage.

There's a big difference between an unhappy marriage and an un-salvageable one, Reilly wrote. Couples often tell me they're contemplating divorce when what they're facing are ordinary though difficult relationship challenges that they have been unable to resolve. Divorce is a radical step to take when what you're seeking is change.

Theres nothing wrong, she said, with wanting your marriage to improve.

Reilly, who often deals with marital issues for couples and is faced with a number of questions about divorce, said its important for couples with marital issues to explore any possible sign of a spark since saving a marriage is better than ending one when it could have been saved, she wrote.

Love doesn't heal all but sometimes love is hard to find under the sludge pile of anger and resentment, overwork, parenting and everyday stresses and struggles, Reilly wrote. If there's even a spark or ember left, it's worth asking yourself, can I re-ignite it?
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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