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Christmas time gives opportunity for reflection, change
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Chris H. Brower as Ebenezer Scrooge in Hale Center Theater Orem's production of "A Christmas Carol." - photo by Amy Choate-Nielsen
Ebenezer Scrooge, I understand you.

You were a practical, no-nonsense kind of guy, you worked hard, and Christmastime freaked you out a little bit. I get it. When I read Charles Dickens A Christmas Carol, it always makes me cry and not because of Tiny Tim.

Its because of you, Scrooge.

Because when you say, Whats Christmastime to you but a time for paying bills without money, a time for finding yourself a year older, and not an hour richer, I feel you. I feel older and poorer this time of year, too. And I dont like driving in heavier traffic, battling more people at the store or waiting in longer lines at the gas pump. Its a terrible thing to say, but Christmastime seems to make those things happen, and I dont like it.

So I see what youre saying, Scrooge. Humbug, right?

A lot can go wrong at Christmastime.

First, theres the light. It gets so dark and cold in December, and sometimes you cant help feeling like time is just slipping away. Nothing changes from Dec. 31 to Jan. 1, as far as the cold and darkness go, but there is a difference in feeling like the final grains of sand in the hourglass are slipping away vs. the wholeness and hope the potential of a bright new year can bring. Being alone in January is one thing, but feeling lonely in December is twice as bitter.

Then there are the crowds of people who come out this time of year, and the pressing feeling of stress and the brake lights and people in a hurry that come with it.

High expectations are a problem. And maybe you have lists of people to shop for. Maybe you get frustrated that you dont know what to get those people, or you dont have time or money to get what they do want. Or you know your kids will have changed their mind about what they did want when you bought their present as soon as Christmas morning comes, and you know everyone will just be disappointed.

Thats enough to make anyone feel like Scrooge, Scrooge.

But you know, theres a lot that can go right at this time of year, too, isnt there?

Theres a lot that can go right only at this time of year.

As your nephew said with Dickens words, I am sure I have always thought of Christmastime, when it has come around as a good time: a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time: the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow-passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys.

If there is any time of year to look past the cold and see outside of our loneliness, Christmastime is it. If there is a time to look at our fellow travelers to the grave and see them as brothers and sisters, now is it. And if there is a time to set a light to diminish some of the darkness that abounds, now is it.

You get a bad name, Scrooge, for being selfish and cold-hearted and withholding. You couldnt see other peoples distress, and you rejected your only family. But I think your triumph was going from that place of darkness to a place of light. You had your reasons for becoming the way you did, but as soon as you saw a better way, you changed.

Your story teaches that Christmastime is a chance to change. I feel for Tiny Tim and the goodness he had in his heart, but its your story that makes me weep. Its your story I want to remember.

Now, at this time of year, with the final sands of the year drifting through the hourglass, now is the time to teach my children and learn from my parents to be more like Scrooge: better than his word.

As Dickens said, He did it all, and infinitely more.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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