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Are you a chicken when it comes to teaching your kids moral values?
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It takes backbone to be strong, loving parents who teach moral values. The time is now for you to stand up and love your children enough to teach them the right way to live. - photo by Gary and Joy Lundberg
Today too many parents are afraid of their kids. Some are hesitant to teach moral values in such a way that is required if the values are going to stick. They fear their kids wont like them. But we are here to say your kids will like you far less if you dont teach them.

Former college president Joe Christensen, gave important counsel for all parents. He said, Do not be afraid to set clear moral standards and guidelines. Be sure to say no when it is needed. ... Let [your children] know that there are some things that, as a member of your family, you simply do not do. Some parents seem to be almost pathologically concerned about their childrens popularity and social acceptance and go along with many things that are really against their better judgement.

He gave examples like expensive fads, coming home late, dating too early, wearing immodest clothing and allowing kids to view inappropriate movies and TV shows. He went on to say, It may not always be fun. But parenting is not a popularity contest.

To effectively teach family values to your children takes some planning. First of all, you and your spouse need to discuss and decide what your values are. What do you stand for? You must have your own convictions firmly in mind if you intend for them to be planted firmly in the minds of your children.

Once you have established these values, and both of you support them, you can move forward with teaching them to your children. If you are a single parent, move forward on your own. A strong and loving parent can make all the difference.

Teaching values can be done in many ways. Here are a few suggestions.

1. Be specific

If you think a comment like, Now, be a good girl, is enough, you are sadly mistaken. Your kids need to know what being good meansin very specific terms. Thats when the real teaching begins. If you want your child to be honest, make that point perfectly clear with a statement like, We dont cheat on tests. No matter what anyone else does, we dont cheat. We study hard and do our best, but we never cheat.

Also teach why lying is a pathway to failure in life. No one wants to hire a cheater. No one wants to marry a cheater. Jails are full of cheating, dishonest people. Give examples in your own life when you or someone you know learned the value of being honest.

2. Teach the why behind the rule

There is always a good reason why parents have certain standards. If children understand why a rule is important, they are more likely to abide by it. Arm them with facts.

If, for instance, youre teaching about the dangers of underage drinking, have an article handyone that tells of a teenager involved in an accident while under the influence of alcohol. Let them see the tragic results. You may also find it helpful to show them things like this quick list of Tips for Teens: The Truth About Alcohol. Or, for a humorous nudge that shows parents responding to a drinking situation, watch Dont Be a Bobblehead Parent with them.

3. Be kind and understanding in your teaching

If you want your kids to really listen and follow your advice, it's important to teach them with kindness and understanding. Never shame or belittle them into obeying family values.

For example, lets say you have decided the proper age for dating is sixteen because, after all, according to psychologist Leslie Beth Wish, Sixteenand even a bit older is a good age for dating, provided that the teen is mature. Start teaching this family rule before your child becomes a teenager. Let it implant firmly in their minds before the desire to date comes along.

Then, when your daughter says, But Suzie gets to date now, and shes only fourteen. Why cant I? Be understanding yet firm. Simply say, I know that sounds fun, but the dating age in our family is sixteen. Then encourage her to have a party with a few friends, boys and girls, closely chaperoned by you or another parent with your same values, where no dating is involved. Make sure you approve of the party plans. Help make it fun.

4. Show examples of people with moral values making wise choices

The famed singer Adele stands out as one who embraces modesty in dress and behavior. Her fame in the music world is unprecedented: Her trademark dress of a long-sleeved black dress with a lacey overlay is almost startling in this era where most female singers strut onstage in tight and degradingly revealing outfits. Nor does she prance or dance when she sings. I don't make music for eyes, I make music for ears, she has said.

Do a little searching and find other examples of people you admire with values you hold dear. Share them with your kids.

5. Listen to your kids

Parents teach best when they are listening to the concerns of their children. When your kids share a mistake they have made, dont look shocked and horrified. Ask how they feel and what they will do next time. Nothing like a little experience to help a kid learn a lesson the hard way.

6. Enjoy living values

Lastly, enjoy living your values. Have fun as a family doing things that promote healthy moral behavior. Let them see that being good is the happiest way to live. Thats the kind of love kids desperately need today.
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How to avoid 'sharenting' and other paparazzi parenting habits
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A recent study revealed parents often spend up to two hours staging a single photo of his or her child to post online. - photo by Amy Iverson
Before having kids, some people just dont appreciate their friends baby posts. But after having a child of their own, three fourths of new parents jump right on the parental social media bandwagon. If you have become a member of this group, there are some rules to follow for posting responsibly.

Much of a parents worry is how to teach their children to use social media responsibly. We talk with our kids about privacy, oversharing, and setting restrictions on their devices to keep them safe. But parents themselves need to look in the digital mirror once in a while. Before having children, it doesnt take as much effort to think about what to post online. Its up to us to decide what we share about our own lives. But once you become a parent, there are many questions to think about regarding what is appropriate to post about your kids on social media.

In a recent survey, kids clothing subscription company Mac and Mia surveyed 2000 new parents to find out how they are documenting their kids lives on social media, and what concerns they may have.

First of all, people without children seem to feel a bit differently about the onslaught of baby pictures online than those who are parents. 18 percent of people say before they had kids, they were annoyed by their friends baby posts. But after having children of their own, 73 percent admit they post progress pictures of their little ones every single month.

Not only are new parents letting the world know each time their baby is a month older, but they are posting about their kids every few days or so. Men and women report they post 6-7 times per month about their baby.

And while 70 percent of new parents say the benefit of using social media is how easy it is to help family and friends feel involved, there are some downsides. Here are a few tips to avoid the pitfall of becoming paparazzi parents.

Dont miss the moment

In the Mac and Mia survey, some parents admitted to spending up to two hours to get the perfect shot of their baby. That seems a little extreme. New and old parents alike should be careful about spending so much time taking pictures and videos that they dont enjoy the moment. Years ago, I decided to never live an experience through my phone. A study by Linda Henkel, a psychology professor at Fairfield University in Connecticut, found that when people took pictures of objects in an art museum, they didnt remember the objects as well as if they simply observed them.

This photo-taking impairment effect can happen to parents as well. If we are so consumed by getting the perfect photo, we can miss out on the moment all together, and our memory of it will suffer.

Dont forget about privacy

60 percent of couples say they have discussed rules and boundaries for posting their babys photos, according to the Mac and Mia survey. Even so, men are 34 percent more likely to publish baby posts on public accounts. If parents are concerned about their childrens privacy, keeping photos off of public accounts is a given.

In the Washington Post, Stacey Steinberg, a legal skills professor at the University of Florida, and Bahareh Keith, a Portland pediatrician, wrote that sharing too much information about kids online puts them at risk. They write that all that sharenting can make it easier for data thieves to target out kids for identity theft. Check that your privacy settings are where they should be and never share identifying information like full names and birth dates.

Dont be paparazzi parents

36 percent of parents say they take issue when their childs photo is posted online by someone else. Responsible social media users will always ask permission before posting a photo of another child. But parents should also think about whether their own children will take issue with their own posted photos a few years down the road.

When parents are constantly snapping pictures and throwing them on social media, it can be easy to forget to pause and make sure the post is appropriate. I always use the billboard example with my kids. I ask them to picture whatever they are posting going up on a billboard in our neighborhood. If they are okay with that, then their post is probably fine. Parents should ask themselves this same question when posting about their children. But they should also ask themselves if their child would be OK with this post on a billboard in 15 years. If it would cause embarrassment or humiliation, it might be best to keep it private.

Once children reach an appropriate age, parents should include them in the process of deciding what pictures are OK to post. Researchers at the University of Michigan surveyed 10- to 17-year-olds and found children believe their parents should ask permission more than parents think they should. The kids in the survey said sharing happy family moments, or accomplishments in sports, school and hobbies is fine. But when the post is negative (like when a child is disciplined) or embarrassing (think naked baby pictures or messy hair), kids say to keep it off social media.
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